i am an idiot. these are my blitherings.

Still posting

2011-10-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

Just been doing it over at http://soandsosaid.wordpress.com lately.

so. i finally figured it out...

2008-01-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

i was taking a shower a few minutes ago and figured it out. and luckily i didn't forget about it while i was freezing my ass off on the way back from the shower.

so. the address thing. it's not because i don't trust anyone or i'm scared i'll pick up some weird stalker or something. it's because i don't like asking for things. if you're a good friend and we're driving down the road together and a really cool motorcycle goes by i'll joking say "oooh, buy me one". ditto the macbook air. but it's okay to ask for one because i know you'll not really buy one for me.

anyways, i don't make anywhere near as much money as i'd LIKE to make, especially at my civilian job (i'd like to make enough to spoil myself rotten), but i make more than enough usually. so last night right after i typed my thing about hot/cold bandages i surfed over to drugstore.com and immediately ordered some. it wasn't that i wanted anyone to buy me some, i just wanted them last night. it was just how we were raised. it was rude to ask for things. and as i grew up, and mostly put myself through college, and bought my own house while people around me my age and younger are sponging off their parents, i started to take pride in that.

i've asked for stuff in the past. last deployment the internet sucked, and i didn't have ready access to it initially. so it was "hey chris, go find this style earplug only with a cord on it and buy/send me a pair please", and the deployment before it was "dad, please go find me some l.e.d. flashlights, one red, one white that take standard batteries please". at first i thought the difference there was a) one was family and b) the other knows that i'd send him anything in a heartbeat if he deployed, but that's not it. the difference is that i know that they'd ask if they ever needed anything. and the "need" thing. i don't really NEED anything that i don't already have. from time to time there are things that i want, out of boredome or for creature comforts. because we really are spoiled as americans. we've got a small shop here, and if i can't find whatever i want there, i've got an okay internet connection. i can order something and have it shipped to me without putting anybody out. i'm making good money, it's not like i can't afford it, so there's really no good reason for me to ask for things. if i did, i'd just be a mooch, trying to take advantage of the situation and your generousity. with the exception of tastykakes.

so. the flipside? lori tells me that people NEED to send things. and that i'm an ass for not letting them. okay, i might've paraphrased with the "you're an ass" part, she's much too polite to say that, but i got her drift. so i really, really appreciate all the offers. seriously, i must be maturing because i finally understand what my parents meant when they said "it's the thought that counts" when we were kids. "no it doesn't. it's a crappy present. i don't want socks. i wanted a thundercat! screw the thought!" and i'm not trying to be coy and i'm not slyly asking for things. i'm an e-6 with a fair amount of time in, making decent pay. there's that poor e-1 with a wife and 4 kids who are home struggling to make ends me. he's the guy that i'm publishing my list of ideas to buy things for. or the kid stuck way out in the middle of nowhere, with a semi trailer for a PX and no internet connection to speak of. or the kid who's away from the hometown where he grew up, with no familiy to speak of who never gets any mail and who is really starting to feel lonely and unloved and maybe a little unworthy. those guys need carepackages from groups like lori's and anysoldier.com

so thanks alot. and sorry if i'm coming across as an ass or sending mixed messages.

another alibi fire...

2008-01-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

so, just because i'm wanting one now, another care package item would be the medicated patches that are self adhesive. instead of the old fashioned ben-gay, these new patches stick in place all night when you're trying to sleep. my dad introduced me to them years ago when we hiked the grand canyon and i loved them. i've seen different brands besides icy-hot. one thing that i do if it's my knee acting up is put the patch on, and then wrap around it with an ace bandage. i think the bandage applies some gentle pressure and also keeps the patch from peeling off in the night if i toss and turn.

they're not miracle workers. if something is really wrong, the guy's still going to have to go to the doctor, but if your soldier is an older dude trying to show the youngsters who's top dog, or if he's clumsy or just doesn't know when to quit, these can go along ways to relieving muscle pain. that being said, some of the heating pads and ice packs aren't the worst things either. these are pretty slick as well.

holy good and bad all rolled into one...

2008-01-25T09:11:00.000-08:00

i had to fly last night to drop some get some gear to a team. i have a huge problem with motion sickness on helicoptors which sucks because it should be so much freaking fun most of the time. last night was absolutely breath taking. alot of flying in the mountains, and almost zero light pollution. so the snow was showing up because it was reflecting the moon and starlight. and these mountains are just gorgeous. on the way out, i was relatively center of the bird and warm as can be. on the way back i was right next to the gunner doors so i froze my ass off. that kicking your windchill up by a factor of a hundred plus mph. by the time i got home in the middle of the night i was so cold, that even after i walked a mile or so, it still took me over half an hour under the blankets to stop shivering.

because of my motion sickness i wore a transderm scop patch last night. it didn't really work. i puked in the snow when we got where we were going before we did what we did, and i puked on the side of the helipad when we got back. today my vision's been all kinda funny and i just don't feel "right". not like i'm going to throw up necessarily, but not 100%.

all in all though, i got to see something amazing last night and it was worth the little bit of discomfort.

first pleasant memory...

2008-01-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

besides the arrival of my under armour jacket. speaking of which, if anyone is looking for a birthday present, or lives somewhere where ti's going to be cold for awhile yet and is looking for valentine's, let me recommend the under armour derecho jacket. nice fleece jacket that's also waterproof and windproof. and somehow just works and being warm when you need it to be, and not when you don't. i'll wear it all day in the office under my uniform top and not feel hot, and then walk back to my room at night in the WAY below freezing weather and winds and not feel cold except for my exposed skin. looks good too. today it was a little warm inside and we were unloading crates of ammunition and explosives and putting them in our arms room and that got a little warm, but that was excessive.

anways, last night four or five of us were working late, trying to take care of some stuff for the teams and meet some last minute suspenses when one of the guys found some quiet riot .mp3's and played them. so the bunch of us were just laughing and joking and singing and bopping to the music while getting our work done. moments like that are just nice. when you feel like you're a part of something bigger and better than yourself.

interesting article...

2008-01-20T11:11:00.000-08:00

I just found out that two guys I deployed with last time are in pretty bad shape. One is in a 6 month resident PTSD program with the VA in California, and the other is doing an out-patient thing in Colorado. Neither can hold a job steady. Then a 3rd guy in Chicago has been foreclosed on his house, failed out of college and is starting alcohol treatment programs. None of them is over 25 I don't think.

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/new-generation-of-homeless-vets-appears/20080120075509990001

2008-01-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

cold as heck here. -20f last night with windchill (sorry for those of you on the metric, i'm too tired and lazy to do the math to convert and the internet is too slow here to find a place to do it for me). But with the cold comes the beauty. These pictures don't do it justice. Gorgeous mountains. They have a rappel tower built here, we climbed to the top to get these pictures. There's more that I probably shouldn't email because there's stuff about the base in them. The wind at the top was ferocious. We lasted about ten minutes up there, then went scurrying for cover.

t.v. series...

2008-01-16T10:23:00.001-08:00

i'm looking for some new t.v. series to watch. i keep watching "sports night" over and over. i've seen some of the buffy and smallville series. i was thinking about "hill street blues", when that was originally on, i was too young to appreciate it. "st. elsewhere" and "trapper john, m.d." have been recommended, but i'm not sure if they're on dvd. i love "weeds", and last trip out caught watched "dead like me".

anyways, i'm open to suggestions. although i'm gonna go ahead and pre-emptively say no to "lost" and "heroes", "desperate housewives" and "sex and the city".

alibi fires...

2008-01-15T06:30:00.000-08:00

when you're on a military range and everyone else is done shooting, but you've still got rounds left, they call you an "alibi fire". a couple months ago i posted about things to send soldiers deployed and have a couple of alibis to add to the list. betty crocker makes these things that they call "warm delights". the only thing you have to add to them is water. they come in their own sealed little mixing/serving bowl. you add some water, stick it in the microwave for a little over a minute and you've got yummy goodness.

the other thing that's pretty good is going to wal-mart or any camping/sporting goods store. they've got dehydrated meals there. add boiling water and you're good to go. and they've got alot more varieties than your normal ramen noodles or cheesy mac. those are usually pretty decent tasting, they're light weight, and there's such a wide variety that you're likely to find someone's favorite comfort food.

if you're going to send something like that to a loved one, consider also sending a nalgene bottle or something similar. they've got handy markings on the side to designate the different water measurements, but serve multiple purposes and seal tight to keep dust out unlike normal measuring cups. camelbak also makes a really nice bottle these days.

speaking of camelbak, both them and blackhawk market an in-line water filter. if your soldier is complaining about the plastic taste of water after a couple months, think about sending them one of these. they have to cut the hose on their camelbak and put the filter in place, but they've got carbon filters in them or whatever and help the water taste better. they're a little expensive though. if you want a cheaper solution, the "elixir" camelbak tabs (r.e.i.) sells them add flavor to your water but contain no sugar to gum up the bag.

okay, hope this helps!

okay, THIS time i'm actually asking for a favor..

2008-01-09T08:26:00.001-08:00

Back story:

Okay, so I'm a professional computer geek, both in the civilian world and when I play G.I. Joe. So people are ALWAYS asking for recommendations. More often than not over the last couple of years, whenever somebody asks what kind of laptop they should buy, I recommend buying an Averatec from Sam's Club. every once in awhile, someone comes along who's perfect for a MacBook, or for a high end system for gaming, or they need some super tiny Sony thing for seriously packability, but 90% of the people who ask for suggestions, just want something relatively simple, that they can get online with, type some emails on, maybe do some spreadsheets or word docs on and that's it. The Averatec brand fits the bill at a great price, and Sam's Club has just taken care of me time after time. I'm on my third deployment now, and every time I've had a computer problem.

The first two deployments Sam's Club bit the bullet and took a loss for me. The first time I had a KDS laptop and the fan stopped working so it'd overheat. I was still stateside but away from home at the time, and the manufacturer wanted me to send it in for 2-3 weeks for repair, or let them charge my credit card $1500, they'd over night me a replacement, and then when they received the original they would return the $1500. I wasn't financially in a position to do that and was using the laptop for school and to stay in touch with friends and family and didn't want to lose the laptop for 3 weeks. I emailed Sam's Club, and they told me to take it to my local Sam's Club and ask for the manager. When I got there, he was waiting for me, and told me to go take my pick from what they had in the store. Even though they were selling the laptop at a cheaper price than when I'd bought it, and I'd owned it for 5 or 6 months, they still let me trade it in for the same value that I'd paid for it.

The second deployment was a similar situation. I had an Averatec, was home on emergency leave, and all of a sudden my laptop stopped recharging the day I was going to leave the country. I stopped into Sam's Club, and the manager said I'd had the laptop for 8 months, and so if they swapped it, they'd have to eat the loss, they couldn't return it to the vendor. She asked me to call the vendor first, but said if they balked to come back in. I understood, went into the parking lot and called Averatec. Averatec issued me an RMA, but said that they couldn't ship to an APO address. So I would've had to ship it to a friend or family member, and then have them ship it to me overseas. I went back into Sam's Club and they swapped it on the spot.

So last year I bought an Averatec. A couple months ago I started having a problem with it and sent it in for warranty repair. I did this in OCTOBER. It's January and it still hasn't been returned. Apparently the parts were help up by customs and couldn't be released. I've called and spoken to them on several occasions asking what is taking so long. Today was the last straw though. Ten weeks later, without my laptop and no offer of sending me a refurbished laptop, of expediting my repair, nothing. I spoke to the original person and asked for a refurbished laptop and she said she couldn't. I asked to speak with her supervisor and he couldn't. I asked why, and he said they weren't authorized by their corporate office, and so I asked for a corporate phone number to lodge a complaint. He refused to give me a corporate number, saying that his department was authorized to speak on behalf of the corporate office. "Fine, then authorize the release of a refurbished laptop to satisfy me as a disgruntled customer." "Sir, I already explained to you, I can't do that." "Well, then you're not authorized to speak for your corporate office."

At no time did I curse, scream or berate anyone. I didn't yell and tried not to raise my voice, although it's very difficult to keep frustration out of your voice. But what pushed me over the edge? At no point did either individual apologize. Although they're authorized to speak for their company, they wouldn't apologize. No "Sir, we apologize for the delay, but..." I realize stuff breaks. I realize stuff happens. If someone has taken ownership for the situation and apologized for my inconvenience it would've gone a long ways towards making me feel better. 10 weeks is still unacceptable for a warranty repair, but "I'm sorry" is a great place to start making things better. And don't tell me that "most repairs only take 7-10 days" because that really doesn't make me, the guy who's been waiting 10 times that long feel better.

Favor:

So the favor? Well, of course if anyone has the phone number for someone at Averatec, please feel free to share that, but the favor I'm asking is this: If you know of anyone buying a laptop, please share my story with them. And suggest they go with any brand but Averatec. I'm sure there are horror stories out there for any computer company, it's impossible to please everyone all the time. But I warned them, that they'd lose me as a customer forever and I'd spread the word as much as possible, and I'm doing it. If you're bored and want to waste time, feel free to just spam everyone you know with the link to this. If you know of anyway to get the word out...

I actually had to buy another laptop before I deployed. I didn't really have the money to spend, but it's just too hard not to have one. I justified it in my mind because once it was repaired and forwarded to me, I was going to load VMWare on it and play with a bunch of different servers OS's to keep my skills fresh until the deployment was over. My plans have changed. If the thing ever shows up it's going to the range with me and a video camera. I'm going to put some really big bullet holes through it, as well as some Afghanistan sand and it'll be sent back to the manufacturer with a copy of this story.

I'd still highly recommend Sam's Club as a possible place to buy a computer from. They may not have as wide a selection as the electronics stores, but if you just need the basics, they've usually got something to fit your needs. They've got a generous return/exchange policy, much more than you'd find at CompUSA or Circuit City and incredibly reasonable extended warranties.

It'd be interesting to know how many other people have been waiting months and months for warranty repair.

Thanks!

2008-01-09T05:32:00.000-08:00

well, it's a little harder to write than i'd like it to be. there's the normal problems of time and inspiration when you've actually got it. but then there are things i can't talk about for various reasons and the odd fact that all of this feels kinda tired, even though we just landed. different country, different operation but alot of similar stories that have already been told.

i'm making my way through alot of blogs i haven't visited in awhile, commenting when i can, and sitting there with my jaw dropped and no appropriate comment for some. i'm catching up with my reading though, honest.

the phone number experiment was cool. if you've got yahoo and 3 bucks (the monthly fee for a phone number is something like $2.99) i highly recommend trying it. thanks to everyone who called. every single call put a smile on my face! there were a couple honorable mentions:

-paperback writer... she gets the prize for longest, most rambling. it was funny and i loved it! somehow or another she sounded exactly like, and nothing like what i though she'd sound. figure that one out.

-leelee... probably the most pleasant surprise. of the people who i thought would do it or not, i'd kinda put her down in the "not" column.

-courtney... best drunk dial

-paige... best tease about teasing

i'd also like to take a minute to thank everyone for offering to send baked goods. i was just telling a story, but all the offers really, really meant alot! thanks!

hopefully the great gortex fairy shows up soon

2008-01-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

sooo... no one has my address yet

2008-01-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

so you know this isn't me trying to guilt anyone into baking. this is one of those "more for me to look back upon later" posts. anyways, we didn't really get "Christmas" this year. i mean, we got it, everyone gets the 25th of December, but because we were so busy and flying and blah-blah-blah it was just kinda there. and then it was past. and we didn't really notice it or miss it much. i'm sure the other guys who celebrate the holiday thought about it quietly like me, prayed for family and loved ones and said "thanks", but there wasn't alot of hooplah. and to be honest, that's really, really nice in it's own way if you're Christian. amazing to take some of the commercialism out of it and quietly reflect upon it.

anyways, we were just cruising along, when all of a sudden the people that we're replacing started to bring out their leftovers. they're going home, so they just decided to share. all sorts of homemade fudge, cookies and different candies and things. and we devoured. and what's funny about it, is that most of us are a little older and have been out of the house for awhile. so it's not like this is the first time we've been without. mom's have kinda slacked off on their baking when the kids moved out and when they come back to visit, don't do as much in the kitchen. or they visit us and we're helpless. so we were all eating lots of sweet treats. and then they were gone. the look of sadness on everyone's face as they turn away from the empty goodie table is really kinda funny. i guess when i go home, i'm gonna have to raid mom's recipe box and learn to make alot of this stuff for myself. the one thing i haven't seen yet are the homemade uhm. whatever you call them. they taste just like peanut butter cups. i remember one of my aunts making them. in the glass pyrex 9x13 or whatever pan. the peanut butter on the bottom, and then the melted chocolate poured and spread on top. and then when it FINALLY cooled off enough to eat, fighting for the edge pieces because they always had more chocolate from where it clung to the sides of the pan. and how it's crack and break into little pieces once it hardened.

on the plus side, the PX here started selling electric blankets today! i got one for me and my buddy. whoo-hoo!

i have a phone number, kinda...

2007-12-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

so one day samantha was mentioning on her blog that she was always tempted to post her phone number on her blog, just to see who'd call and what they'd say/sound like. i can pretty honestly say that i was never tempted, although i do know someone who's got their # on their facebook page and i was always tempted to call them out of the blue and prank call, except that i can never keep from laughing and i always ruin it.

anyways, i was screwing around here, trying to play with skype and yahoo voice to see if there was an easy way to call home and check my voicemails on my cell phone. especially since i want to start the job search a couple months before i go home and want to be able to put a resume out there with a phone number on it. and i found on yahoo that you can purchase a phone number that anyone can call for something cheap like 25 bucks a year. of course i haven't been able to use it to check my voicemail on my cell, because the internet connection sucks so bad that i can't get my pin typed in in a way that my voicemail system understands, but when i call my cell phone, i can hear it clearly. so i might as well get some entertainment out of it.

so, all rambling aside... 720-259-7279 is a number that you can call and leave a voicemail on. but if you do it, you've got to let me know who you are. it'd be neat to put a voice with the names...

i'm way, way behind on checking out peoples' blogs. sorry.

2007-12-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

okay, so i'm still alive and everything is still okay, but we're freezing our asses off. i haven't been able to breathe through my nose for like, six weeks now. has anyone used an infrared space heater? supposedly they do a good job heating, but take less electricity. we live in buildings where the wiring isn't quite up to code and preventing said building from burning down is the name of the game. it was about 13 degrees when i woke up this morning and was marginally warmer inside than outside. and if you haven't used an infrared space heater, but have a recommendation?

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2007-12-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

hope everyone is doing well. we got into afghanistan at about 11:10pm, Christmas Eve. we've moved into the buildings that are going to be our home for the next year, met most of the people that we'll be replacing and gotten out and walked the base today. it'll be okay. definately not all of the creature comforts of home, but we knew that before we got here. right now the heaters in our "house" work during the day when it's warm but not at night when it's freezing. we'll figure it out though.

anyways, just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and let ya'll know we made it here, safe and sound.

greetings from ireland...

2007-12-23T00:18:00.000-08:00

well, we're off. the most miserable flight ever. flying on military cargo planes is so much better. constant 110v power for the laptops or game systems, you can stretch out on the floor and sleep... the only problem is the noise. this charter flight bites. the seats are so tight and close together and the a/c isn't working right and it's just been miserable. that's okay though, we're finally underway and the sooner we get it started, the sooner we get it finished.

we've already gotten our beers. i'm walking an interesting line with some of my younger troops. some of the other senior nco's went drinking and racing and chasing with their younger guys and think i should've done it with mine. felt it'd be good for esprit de corps. and they're probably not wrong. but my guys don't have the maturity for it yet. they can't see me acting stupid one minute and then block that out and turn professional again the next morning. so they did their thing and me and my right hand man did ours. one of these kids is really an immature, spoiled little brat who i'm fighting at every turn. but i'm trying to reward and recognize the good to balance out the constant punishment of the bad. so he's underage in the states, but legal here, and he was surprised when i bought him a pint. hopefully it starts to sink in with him. but i imagine it's going to be an amazingly long year.

not sure when/where the next stop will be. hope everyone is doing well!

2007-12-21T04:52:00.000-08:00

well, we've survived the "muic" (mobilization unit inprocessing center) experience. we've been poked and prodded by the medics, subjected to full days of powerpoint briefings, spent two weeks out at the mock base and now survived a couple days of pass time. guys have gone out and drank mass quantities of booze, been thrown out of strip clubs, eaten way too much unhealthy food, spent way too much money in gear shops and just generally been stupid. now we're all back, back in uniform, ready to go.

the last two times were significantly different. so many people hadn't deployed before that there was a nervousness in the air. this time so many of the old-timers are so nonchalant about things that even the guys who haven't been deployed are calm and not so worried, and hiding any problems or fears well. weird to see how low the energy level is. or what a different type of energy it is. there's still the normal locker-room mentality and joking going on. some of the really good nco's are quietly training their guys everyday. turning normal situations into a learning opportunity. there's just none of the anxiety that i've witnessed in the past.

it's beginning to look alot like christmas...

2007-12-17T04:07:00.000-08:00

it seems like every year that i say "Oh my God, it's Christmas already!?! It doesn't feel like it at all!" but that's never been more true than this year. when we first got here i bought a printer/scanner from target. it never printed from the beginning. i finally got a chance to take it back and swap it out yesterday and it was amazing to see the stores crowded with holiday shoppers. that's going to be the odd part about having the couple days off. we'll go see movies and hit the targets and walmarts for those last minute items for our shaving kits or whatever, and we'll run head-on into all the holiday preparations.

alot of these guys don't want to think about Christmas because they're missing it with family. we're in north carolina. it's chilly, but it's definately NOT a white Christmas. we've been so busy, most of us can't tell you what day it is. personally, i'm not a scrooge, i've just forgotten all about it. it'll be interesting to see if the mood finally settles in.

one giant bruise...

2007-12-17T03:58:00.000-08:00

we got out of the field night before last. by the time we got the trucks unpacked and all the sensitive items accounted for it was bedtime. amazingly enough we got to sleep late. i think i got seven hours of sleep, maybe eight. and we all woke up stiff and sore and achey the next morning. for some reason when we were waking up at 4:30 and only had cold showers and were in the rain and the wind we were fine. but the minute we got into hard buildings with hot showers and soft mattresses instead of cots all our aches and pains caught up with us. i don't know if it's a matter of always being tense or what.

i wasn't too bad. no real tenderness or pain. all the months of rucking and walking around with body armor on at home had me better prepared than alot of guys. but when i was stripping down for a shower and caught a glance of myself in the mirror i was amazed to see all the yellowed bruises all over my body. they were just running together in some spots.

we're getting a couple nights off here, that'll be nice. nothing really planned. i don't need anything much, i'm not dying to go drinking or to the strip clubs or anything. but it'll be nice to catch up on sleep.

hope everyone is doing well...

changes...

2007-12-12T03:42:00.001-08:00

it's crazy. our average schedule is lights out at 11:00pm, do reports and work by flashlight and the glow of laptop screens until at least midnight, then wake up the next morning at 4:30. we do p.t. of some type everyday, either hand to hand combatives, ruck marches or old-school running and calisthenics. then we're go-go-go most of the day, frequently in full body armor which takes alot out of you. i don't think i've gotten to bed earlier than 11:30pm the last two weeks, and i know there've been several times when I'm up until 1:30 or 2:00. and yet i've got more energy than i know what to do with. i don't feel tired until i've got more than two seconds to sit down and catch my breath. and then all of a sudden i pass out.

i actually saw the majority of our unit sleeping on blacktop two days ago. transportation to our next appointment was hosed and it was going to be about 20 minutes until buses arrived. everyone immediately sat down in the middle of the parking lot, leaned up against their rucks and passed out. and woke up 20 minutes later without any complaints of sore muscles or anything like people normally would from sleeping on such a hard surface.

my hands are getting tougher. the skin is getting thicker and more resistant to nicks and cuts. when i do get a nick it seems like it's healing faster now. the little aches and pains in my shoulders and lower back are going away. we run hard in the morning, and my speed and endurance is increasing significantly. we will work hard, i'll feel the legs tightening up and a couple hours later the pain's gone, instead of nagging me for the next day or two.

i was prepared for the big stuff mentally. leaving home, shipping overseas, leaving friends, family, job, etc. but i'm getting back into the game on the little things. pre-combat checks and inspections of my troops. calling in every turn on the radio when we're rolling on the road, writing stuff down and keeping track of hundreds of little, little things.

we were pretty close to the top of our game before, but that transition from civilian to soldier is almost complete.

2007-12-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

well, still alive. the warm weather has helped alot. my nose is cleared and i can breathe again. we're still in the tents. i'm tempted to write stuff about it, but some of it isn't complaining for the sake of complaining or sympathy. some of it's for historical record for me. just trying to remember what was going on when.

we might finish some of our training early and we might get a couple days off. but if we do we're going to be restricted to the immediate area. so i think bloggers should fly in for an early christmas dinner. :) it'll be nice though. go get a hotel room and get a nice shower and sleep in a nice big bed, get a nice dinner or two and just kinda screw around and get away from some of the guys for a little while.

anyways, hope everyone is doing okay. my google reader hasn't been working well and my connection sucks. i'd like to get over and read peoples' blogs but i can only do what i can do.

2007-12-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

so they've shipped out to this tent city that's supposed to be close to what we'll see in iraq and afghanistan. of course it was largely planned by people who haven't seen either. it's incredibly realistic for an army-mock up though. the bad part of it is that in a short amount of time we'll actually be there for real. instead of sending us here six months ago so that people who haven't seen it could experience it and know what to prepare for, they wait until right before we go and stick us out here. talk about demoralizing. at this time we should be going into town, getting the last bit of gear we have, and doing what stupid army guys do. drinking beer. the young kids should be spending two months worth of pay at the strip clubs, half convinced that if they tip big enough she'll go home with them. buying books, arranging college courses, seeing movies, eating at good restaurants. heading out to the beach one last time. whatever. but instead we're sitting here with cold showers, sleeping in underheated tents, waiting in line for the understocked px to open and blah-blah-blah. i'm not complaining. it's really not that bad. for most of us we've just dropped into the old routines, and we just do what we do. but you see these units that don't deploy as much as we do and it just freaks them out and kills their spirit. and where we're only here for a couple weeks because we train so much and are really close to the top of our game, some of these are your "weekend warrior"/bumbling idiot types as reservists and guardsmen are portrayed in the movies. they're going to be here for MONTHS before they go.

someone asked me tonight how we're doing, if there was excitement for the mission. oddly enough, there really isn't. i had a friend who went to the army's sapper school 3 times. i assumed the first time would've been the hardest, that the next two would've been easy because he would've known how to prepare. he said it was exactly the opposite. because he knew what was coming up, and how hard/challenging it would be, there was no fun or excitement for him. he dreaded it, but because he was a leader, in a leadership position and his unit was going through as a group, he had to pump himself up and appear motivated for the troops. they had no idea what to expect and were excited, even though the training was kicking their asses everyday. kinda the same here. the guys who haven't deployed at all are kinda taking it all in with wide eyes, but the rest of us are yawning our way through some of this (don't take that to mean we aren't taking the training seriously, we are.). just kinda eager to get there and get it over with.

still alive...

2007-12-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

still in the United States... relatively healthy (although i'm hobbling on a sprained ankle, let's keep our fingers crossed that i didn't rebreak one of the bones in the foot) and happy. i was desperately hoping for more sleep tonight. my boss said on monday that he wasn't staying up til midnight anymore. so now i do. we get up at four something or another depending on what's going on that day. so i'm a little sleep deprived. but i had to do laundry, so that's keeping me up. however i've delegated some of my work down, and trained some people in some reports, etc., so they'll be able to train the next crew of people that need help. still working with my problem children. good times all around.

hope everyone is okay.

internet

2007-11-29T07:51:00.001-08:00

with some fiddling, i've improved my 'net connection. of course we're moving out of these buildings on saturday morning. but hopefully i'll get a post or two in before then.

well, we're on the way...

2007-11-27T20:47:00.001-08:00

I've picked up a lot of new visitors because of Lori at http://toysfortroops.blogspot.com. She's doing some great things over there and you should visit and check it out. Normally I'd try to visit everyone's blogs and leave more comments, but my 'net access has been very limited. I'm okay, my guys are okay, we're all doing well. We're just going through the painful, painful process of "mobilizing".

My unit is the most heavily deployed company in the Army Reserves. To my understanding there hasn't been in a time in the last decade when we haven't had people deployed. We're at 200% strength because so many people volunteer to come to our unit because they know we train hard, work hard and play hard. We've got a partial company deployed to Iraq, we're getting ready to go where we're going, and then in the beginning of next year we're pushing more people to Iraq. I'm going on my third deployment, my roommate is going on his fourth. Over 90% of the guys going with me have deployed before.

None of that matters. We're all being treated like idiots going through this process. I understand that. When you're pushing this many bodies through all of these stations you have to talk to the lowest common denominator so that you can get people through quickly. But then there's the active duty mind set that reservists are a bunch of dumb, lazy fat-asses. I had the same misconception when I was on active duty. Not because I had any dealings with reservists, but because that's what everyone said. We actually were given a lengthy lecture today about how we were all on active duty now, on an active duty post and whatever nonsense we might do at home or on our drill weekends wasn't going to e tolerated here. That we needed to act like professional soldiers for once. Not because we'd done anything wrong, simply because of who we are.

The most annoying part about that lecture? The active duty people giving it weren't wearing any indications on their uniform that they've ever deployed before. They're not required to, but most people usually will, just to give themselves some instant street-cred.

Anyways, we're doing well, we're in relatively good spirits and we're eager to get this show on the road.

Hope everyone is surviving the holiday madness, and sorry for making the rounds.

happy thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T13:36:00.001-08:00

happy thanksgiving everyone! hope everyone has a few moments to slow down today and appreciate the things that are going right in your lives, even if there's alot of wrong.

be good! and thanks for all the support.

turmoil...

2007-11-20T19:41:00.000-08:00

today was my last day at work. it was really, really hard to keep from turning cartwheels down the hallway i was so happy. it was equally had to keep from flipping the bird with both hands at the boss. fortunately that professionalism thing kicked in.

this deployment isn't a bad thing. once we get through the stupidity and actually get in country i'll have a good time. i'll be doing hard, challenging work, i'll be working shoulder to shoulder with good people and when i come home i'll be proud of what we did. i know that. but just like the last two deployments, there's all sorts of feelings of dread late at night when i can't sleep. there are some goodbyes i REALLY don't want to say. then all the little things that i don't want to do without for the next year, and all of the nonsense that i know is going to come at us, fast and furious for the next couple months until we're firmly established and well into our routine.

i feel like i'm letting people down. there's so many things i thought i'd have time to do before we left. i always overcommit. there are computers i told people i'd fix for them. lots of unfinished projects at work that my co-workers are going to have to pick up the slack on. i didn't find a degree program to start on and the paperwork for that definately isn't finished. there's tons of projects around the house to do. i didn't get my car donated to a charity. i haven't mailed off any of the letters to creditors to explain my situation and invoke the soldiers and sailors civil relief act. i was going to help the next door neighbor look for a new car. i've been anti-social since i've been back and i've told plenty of people we'd get together for dinner or whatever and haven't seen them since before i left last time.

that back and forth, the ups and downs all compressed into such a short time frame is so hard to deal with. if they could just call me and say "hey, get your kit ready, you're shipping out in 72 hours" it'd be great. the months and months of thinking and explaining and answering questions... it's like standing on a cliff, poised to jump off into the water below. stand there and think about it too long and it gets harder and harder to make the leap. it's better just to walk up to the edge and take a quick second to figure out your approach, then take a step back and do it, without thinking.

signs that you might not be quite as okay as you'd like to think you are...

2007-11-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

so once upon a time a buddy and i were walking down the street in some third world country. he and i were great friends long before we ever got to that little vacation spot, and we'd spent 2 or three months there, sleeping in the same tent. so we were able to have those long, comfortable silences because we already knew all the stories the other had to tell and were sick of the sound of each other's voice. we were armed, and so were the locals. there weren't alot of troops on the ground so we couldn't make people turn their weapons in because they legitimately needed them for protection. so you couldn't tell the good guys from the bad guys until they decided to shoot at you. you could only trust your fellow soldier to your right or your left and after a time, the distrust just made you resent all of the locals on some level.

i don't know why we were walking down the road, i don't remember where we came from or where we were going but we weren't in a hurry, which was good because it was hot as hell. we were happy to just be strolling, thinking our thoughts. a couple hundred meters ahead we saw one of the locals on a rooftop, he and his ak-47 silhouetted against the sun. my buddy cleared his throat and asked "do you know what i'm thinking?" and oddly enough i was certain i did. "that you could shoot that fucker right now and not have any problems sleeping tonight?" "yup."

i pride myself on my professionalism. i can't see myself ever actually doing that. and his professionalism puts me to shame. i strive to be more like him. there is no doubt in my mind that neither of us would ever arbitrarily shoot someone. but would that professionalism be the only thing that would keep me from doing it? or stop others from doing it? or would little things like catholic guilt, conscience, etc... kick in there at some point in time?

bob seger

2007-11-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

i've always loved his music, and i've always taken flak for it. "redneck music", "white trash", etc... usually from people who've never lived in small-town america and don't recognize the goodness that can come from people there. same with johnny cougar music.

i love the sound of the music after the pause. the "i awoke last night to the sound of thunder" bit. alot of my friends consider themselves to be music connoisseurs and don't see these to be complex. personally i think there's alot going on in some of these songs. and they resonate off of me, which is really all that matters. i think i've talked about my love of a certain girl as a youngster and associating "you'll accompany me" with her for so long. we were such good friends, such a good fit, for years it felt like we'd end up together someday. that song was just reaffirmation to me way back when. it was nice knowing i wasn't the only one.

things are okay now. there's alot of little things going on with the deployment. in the past when i've done these trips, i've been on active duty for months before actually leaving the country, which gave us lots of time to get stuff done. we're not going to have as much time this trip, so we're being forced to spend lots of personal time getting things sorted out and ready. so i'm tired. we're all burning the candle at both ends. trying to do the most to wrap up loose ends at the civilian job and around my house and trying to do all the stuff for the unit. i could complain about lots of stuff, but i don't like doing that. but it's necessary and it'll get better. the only way to get past things like this is to go through them.

if you're bored...

2007-11-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

go to 3 wishes.com. if you didn't click on my link, go to "halloween". scroll down to the "ella mental" costume.

am i the only one who finds it a little disturbing that someone might find that costume "hot"?

that's right. more of 'em.

2007-11-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

is one that i forgot about the other day when i was talking about slow songs i like.

and then annie stole my thunder. i was going to post this one yesterday:

yet ANOTHER music video

2007-11-07T23:43:00.000-08:00

i think it was bad that "bitch" was her first big song and was so overplayed. it wasn't her best work, but it overshadowed everything else. i think by the time some of her other songs came out people were sick of the sound of her voice. or i could have NO idea what i'm talking about.

i don't normally go for the slower songs, but i can get lost in this one. kind of the same with some of dianna krall's stuff. it's kinda nice to know that women wonder some of the same things. we may have morals and we may not act on everything, but sometimes your mind does wander...

i hadn't seen the video in ages.

haven't done one of these in awhile...

2007-11-07T14:25:00.001-08:00

big peach runner had this on her blog and i stole it:

Things about me that you may or may not have known, in no particular order:
Four Jobs I have had in my life:
1. assistant manager at a retail clothing store
2. department manager at a stationary/gift shop
3. network administrator
4. tech support
Four movies I have watched more than once:
1. star wars
2. running scared
3. the replacements
4. big trouble in little china
Four places I have lived:
1. tucson, az
2. altoona, ia
3. savannah, ga
4. orangeburg, sc
Four TV Shows I Watch:
1. e.r.
2. scrubs
3. life
4. boston legal
Four places I have been:
1. chicago
2. philadelphia
3. orlando
4. salt lake city
Four of my favorite foods:
1. pizza
2. steak
3. sushi
4. ice cream
Four people who email me regularly:
1. my mom
2. brian
3. the other brian
4. my dad
Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. napping
2. running (and enjoying it b/c I'm in such good shape)
3. freaking afghanistan already. let's get it over with.
4. on the motorcycle
Things I am looking forward to this year:
1. hopefully getting promoted
2. uh...
3.
4.

airport randoms

2007-11-06T16:29:00.001-08:00

-with very, very, very few exceptions you're really not important enough that you need to answer the phone in the bathroom. and it really doesn't impress anyone that you think you do.

-trouble had a post a couple days ago and i made some comments about how some guys who are considered unromantic show love in different ways. (some girls too...) and you just have to learn how to look for those ways. i was watching a woman struggling with a rolling carry on, trying to get it down the steps (the down escalator is stopped). she made it to the bottom and a just as she did, her husband caught up to her. she handed the roller off with a big smile and gave him a kiss and thanked him. said she'd never carried her own luggage in 18 years and didn't realize the hell she'd put him through, and he never complained once.

-alot of people who complain about the escalator being out a) made things tougher by themselves by not going the stairs instead (the height difference from step to step is smaller) and b) should be grateful because they need the exercise.
-more and more higher waisted jeans and less and less hip huggers=good thing. so few women can pull off the hip-hugger look.
-slc isn't the worst little city to visit. not sure that i'd move here, but some beautiful mountains, and a much more manageable size than some other places. i imagine that won't last forever
-i'm really starting to get cranky about the build-up for our deployment. put us on orders and bring us in and have us do everything at once. but quit calling me in the middle of the day and then getting pissy when i can't drop everything to come in and do something trivial. yes, i know we're "going to war", and yes, i know that's important. but so's having a job to come back to.
-there are ALOT of really short, really small waisted girls with no hips yet ginormous breasts in this airport. and it's freaking me out. it really doesn't look natural.
-today at lunch some really snooty chick parked her mercedes in the handicapped spot with no handicapped tags. can you call the cops on that?
-i personally do not tell someone i'm involved with to "go take a shower and think of me while you're in there" on the cell phone in front of a captive audience. if you're really, really unattractive, i'd appreciate it if you'd return the favor. because that's a mental image i don't want to be stuck with. bastard.
-ali larter is hot. and even though she may do a ton of really great things none of them will ever top the whipped cream bikini. which probably is another sterling example of my pigishness.

Another six sentence story

2007-11-05T12:39:00.001-08:00

Now and then

When he was a kid they played "G.I. Joe" and "war". They'd point their toy guns or their fingers at one another and shout "BANG!" and one would fall down and then jump back up again a minute later, laughing like a loon. Or they'd argue about having super speed or shields or magic powers that made them impervious to bullets. Then he grew up, joined the army and went to war, where the rounds whizzed by over head and the shells exploded nearby and there was no magical shield and when you were hit you were really dead and he thought he was scared. That was years ago, and he's home safe now and he just saw his own son running round the corner of the house, chased by the neighbor boy who's screaming "Bang-Bang! HEY! NO FAIR! I GOT YOU, YOU'RE DEAD". Funny, with no threat present he now knows what fear really is.

i'm having fun with trying these. you guys are forced to suffer through my delusions of grandeur.

actually i lied. not intentionally though...

2007-11-02T12:17:00.000-07:00

i got the idea of the six sentence story from jason and billy. jason's is here.

Six Sentence Story...

2007-11-01T21:11:00.001-07:00

Only the Good Die Young

"I'm too old for this shit" the NCO thought to himself, shaking his head to try to clear the ringing from his ears and the tunnel vision from his eyes. The i.e.d. had detonated close to the humvee, lifting it and spinning it around. "ptang-tang-tang" he heard, as small caliber rounds impacted with the armor plating on his vehicle. "SKI! Light'em up! " he roared, smacking the thigh of his turret gunner, which was just inches away from his head. Hearing no response, no "Got it Sarge!", feeling no rocking vibrations from the huge M-2 .50cal firing, he leaned over to look up at his gunner. Seeing the lifeless body, the helmet and part of the top his head blown away by the explosion he screamed in his head, the rage building: "FUCK! SKI! NO! NOT SKI! HE'S JUST A FUCKING KID"

i got the idea from: http://sixsentences.blogspot.com/. Give it a try.

"my body says 'you can't do this boy' but my pride says 'oh yes you can'".

2007-10-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

not that i'm too lazy to write posts or come up with something original, i'm just catching up on some music that i've missed over the last couple of years and videos and what not. i'm on a toby keith kick tonight, i hadn't seen alot of these videos before and they're pretty funny and they're cracking me up.

i'm identifying with this song alot right now. i know the people who read this who are older than me are gonna roll their eyes and chuckle when i say i'm feeling old, but as i've quoted/paraphrased before, it's not the years, it's the miles. trying to keep up with kids 15 years younger is wearing me out. i've got 2 kids who can run 2 miles in under 11 minutes @ sea level. i haven't been that fast in a decade.

fortunately i've got 15 years of dirty tricks and experience on them. helps to maintain my credibility.

shipping stuff to troops

2007-10-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

this is a post i've been meaning to write for awhile, and everytime i check my sitemeter i'm reminded of it. one of the searches people do that finds me is about things to send to soldiers in iraq.

when i got into afghanistan there was pretty much nothing. you had to stand in line for hours to get into the px and by the time you got in you were lucky if they had anything left on the shelves you wanted to buy. so we definately lived off of care packages. and what sucked was mail was taking 4-6 weeks at that time to get to you, so if you had a craving today, and sent an email home, by the time it got to you, you'd open the box and have a hard time figuring out why people sent you what they sent you.

in iraq things were significantly better. it was three and four years into the war, supply channels were well established, we were on bigger bases and so much of what showed up in care packages ended up not being used. we'd get huge boxes from the red cross and from different volunteer organizations filled with soap and toothpaste and gatorade powder and whatever else and it'd just sit there, or we'd hand it out to the locals. the px's were bigger and more established on alot of the bases, and if you were on a smaller base, you could usually get someone to pick something up for you when they went to a bigger base for business. and mail was much quicker. 2-3 weeks instead of over a month. so it was a shame to see so much of what was being sent over not being used and collecting dust because alot of money and energy went into sending things that weren't really used.

so there's alot of lists out there, about sending foot powder, batteries, beef jerky, etc to the troops. i'd just like to augment those.

first, if you're sending to someone specific you need to try to get a feel for their job and their location. they might try to sugar coat things though, so that you won't worry. you've got to go with your gut on that. if they're on a tiny little base in the middle of nowhere, they've probably got a dinky little px and would appreciate alot of the staples. (baby wipes, shampoos, soaps, toothpaste, foot powder, batteries, insoles, etc...) otherwise?....

the soaps/shampoo/snacks/powders? not needed as much, unless there is a particular craving or product that's not the norm. we had some guys who would be considered "metrosexuals" and liked face masks and high-dollar hair care products that they couldn't get over there. same with some of the feminine hygiene products. they are there, but there isn't always as big a selection and sometimes it's generic stuff.

books and magazines are good if you know there is a favorite author or mag, but to be honest kids aren't reading alot today. and they get those over there. the soft "skin" magazines are always appreciated (maxim, stuff, etc). but there's electricity over there and it seems everyone has a laptop and alot of people plunk money down on tv's and dvd players. and those get handed off to the new guy when the old guy flies home. so "classic" dvd's are always good. the stuff on the $9.99 and less racks at wal-mart. old buddy cop flicks, action movies, comedies. cd's are good as well. if you're buying for someone in particular and know their music tastes, great. if not, grab a selection of the classic rock, rap, country stuff and send it over. it'll find it's way into the right hands. however, don't think that because we're a captive audience we want to listen to cd's of "up and coming" bands. we've had alot of those samplers sent over and they were junked pretty quickly. video games are good, there's alot of psp's, playstations and xboxes in country now or pc games work as well.

gift cards are excellent. they don't have to be for much. a $5 dollar gift card is great. places like wal-mart, target, amazon are good. you can also get them from the tactical places like brigade quartermasters, blackhawk and even some of the outdoor sporting goods places have things that guys can use over there. if the soldier has a good internet connection you can even think of an itunes or similar gift card. altrec is also a good site as well as rei. i have a personal fondness for giftcards at any time, but they really, really make sense for folks who are deployed. if you know the person you're getting one for, you don't even have to waste the time of mailing them the card. just email them the website and the number and let them get what they need. but they're smaller, cost alot less to ship (and frequently letters will arrive quicker than big boxes) and you know then that the soldier can get what the specifically want or need. one store that really needs to be pushed into offering giftcards is netgrocer.com. let's start a phone campaign to convince them of the goodness of that.

if your guys are infantry or going out and doing stuff, they might appreciate otis weapons cleaning kits, premium gun cleaning solvents and lubrication (militech springs to mind), bore-snakes are wonderful devices and so are good-old-fashioned shaving brushes. if you know someone who works for a dentist's office and can get you old sets of dental probes and picks those are invaluable for cleaning weapons. mechanix style gloves are great, just make sure they're all black or desert/coyote tan. none of the crazy colors. there are cooling vests if your guys are complaining about how hot it is over there. these come in several types, the cheapest being inserts that you soak or fill with water and freeze, and then wear under your shirt and body armor. knives are a personal preference item, and chances are your soldier already has their favorite and uses it regularly, but if you're looking for a more expensive Christmas present you can't ever go too wrong with a folding knife by benchmade or spyderco. leathermans are always nice and appreciated as well.

female soldiers can use all of the stuff males can use, but having said that sometimes it's nice for them to get little things that help them indulge a little. a couple friends of mine got those gift baskets that included all sorts of fancier shampoos, candles, scents, lotions, etc... and really got a kick out of letting their hair down and pampering themselves. and it was kinda a present to the guys as well, because after 6 months of blandness all of a sudden this great smelling girl walked buy and just kinda reminded you of things...

memory cards for cameras are always good. we had guys complaining about how long it was taking to email stuff and how when they tried to burn discs the cd's would get cracked on the way home. i suggested just buying a 2nd or third memory card, filling it and mailing it home. then the loved ones at home could suck the photos off, add ones from home and send it back. the exchange worked fairly well for most of them.

baked goods. cookies in a vaccuum sealed bag are wonderful.

i'm sure there's more and as i think of things i'll add them, but i really wanted to get this posted with the holidays approaching. things probably need to be on their way before thanksgiving to make it there in time for christmas.

additions i forgot on the first post:
-cr123a batteries. troopies SHOULD be able to get these over there, but many don't realize that or their chain sucks. and they're amazingly expensive over there vs. what you can get them for in the states from some generic place like batteries plus

-metal bodied l.e.d. flashlights and headlamps. i love the tactikka plus because it's got white lights, a red lense and uses fairly standard batteries. a friend just got the E+lite and is pretty happy with it, but batteries go faster and are expensive. both are made by petzl. gerber makes some great little l.e.d. lights. try to stay with ones that can be powered by AA batteries vs. the lithium cr123a. (see above). that lithium battery is a great battery, generally provides longer run-time and can power brighter lights but it's expensive and can be hard to find. another good brand is innova.

-bedsheets and pillowcases. as we all know men are pigs. so many of the young guys i've been over there with will spend the entire year sleeping in the same sleeping bag without really airing it out or washing it. it's not pretty. they kinda need to be reminded to put clean sheets on, clean pillow cases on, and wash stuff from time to time. moms, be honest, you know whether or not your son falls into this category. if he's really bad, you might need to send a blanket too.

-if your soldier is on one of the middle of nowhere bases tobacco products are always good, whether he smokes/dips or not. and you really need to put judgement aside on this one. if you know your soldier smokes or dips and don't approve, now isn't the time to try and change it. if that calms and steadies his nerves then it keeps him alert and alive. do the preaching after they get home. but there's nothing worse than being in the middle of nowhere, far the hell away from home in a dangerous situation and to be nic-fitting. send them a carton of smokes or a log of dip. if you know they're out there in the middle of nowhere and they're complaining about how hard it is to get stuff and they don't smoke consider sending a carton of malboro lights or reds and/or a log of skoal or cope dip. i didn't smoke or dip, but i always had packs of smokes or a tin with me. when someone i worked with closely really needed them, it definately made life easier than to deal with a smoker who hadn't had a cigarette in three days.

-soft sided coolers with the mylar lining. the ones that have a shiny silver inside when you open them are awesome.

-(i'm not sure how legal this is, i'm not saying to ship anything bad) but alot of times you can buy the boxes of individually wrapped over the counter drugs at places. advil, tylenol, pepto bismal, benedryl... all of that little stuff comes in handy. not to be crude, but anti-diahhrea, upset stomach remedies, etc are definately good. the other thing that can be hard to find over there is the travel sized dramamine, and since alot of guys have to travel via helicopter...

-christmas tree lights and decorations at the holidays

Congratulations Boston!

2007-10-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of pro-sports, but it would've been nice to see the Rockies win. Having said that, didn't see any championship worthy play out of them in the last series. So congratulations to the Red Sox! And if you need to read more or hear "Tessie" let me point you to JL4's website or Courtney's.

another video...

2007-10-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

another blast from the past...

i've always loved this song. when i first heard it i was fairly young and it was one of the ones i used to like blasting like crazy, just to drown thoughts out in my head. i was probably in the barracks on active duty then, listening on crappy earphones, unhappy because i hadn't figured the "game" of the army out yet, or i was heart-broken or mooning over some girl (boo girls!).

i've probably been listening to the song for ten or twelve years and my appreciation for it has deepened and changed. i live in a nice place with a decent stereo and GREAT speakers. i love to pull the speakers away from the wall, point them inward to a spot in the center of the floor and lay on my back on that spot and crank it. the song's got a heavy bass line that washes over me and rumbles through my body. on a good studio recording version the girls harmonize wonderfully. and whoever produced the song did a great job with stereo seperation. i pick up so many little details i never heard years before, listening on tinny earphones or blasting on a car stereo while road-tripping. one voice will hit from one side, another will join and fill out the music from the other side.

probably not the best song ever, but it makes me happy...

so you know how...

2007-10-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

when it gets to be this time of year, all of a sudden it catches you by surprise? "oh my, where'd the year go?" "how'd it get to be thanksgiving already?" "ack, christmas is right around the corner, what am i gonna buy?" and then january rolls around and it shocks you to see the new year for a couple days?

yeah. i'm going to be gone for all of 2008. i mean, time's still going to be going on, i'm still going to be writing the date on paperwork wherever i'm at, but it kinda makes it more... real somehow. the first time i deployed it was a short trip and i was there and back in the same calendar year. the second time it spanned two years, but i was home for the beginning of one year and for the end of the other. this time in alot of ways 2008 is just going to disappear, the whole year, gone... i'll walk out of work one day and then it'll be '09 before i walk back in.

anyways. just me being weird.

LT. Michael Murphy

2007-10-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

Megan had a post today and one of the things she mentioned was LT. Michael Murphy. She also mentioned being worried about me, but that's just silly. I'm a robot. Nothing to worry about there. But what struck me about the article was the quote from Murphy's father. His father said that Murphy was "honest, kind, caring -- probably the antithesis of what you would call a warrior."

We've been active/knowing participants in this war for the last 6 years (and targets in it for the last 30 or so...) and people sure like to speak on behalf of the soldiers/sailors/marines and airmen fighting the war, suggesting that we pull out without asking what we think, but so few have actually taken the time to go out and meet the soldiers (I'm leaving the rest out, but they're implied. I'm just too lazy to type it all.) and find out who we are as people. Not the group "soldiers" but the individuals.

We've definately got our problems. "Honest" is kind of relative. Alot of joes might have problems with romantic relationships, but the good ones are some of the most honest guys I've ever met. Some of the kindest (although sometimes you have to dig through some gruff exteriors) and some of the most caring. Don't believe me? Watch a senior, salty First Sergeant with his baby girl sometime. Or spend some time in Iraq or Afghanistan with us and watch the way we treat one another when the bad news comes.

Maybe I'm just a little sensitive to stereotypes since the week from hell last week...

I don't mean to take anything away from the pain that Murphy's family is feeling, or minimize their sacrifice. Don't take this as an attack on the father. Just a general commentary using that quote as an example. I definately salute Murphy and hurt for his family.

so someone...

2007-10-21T22:27:00.001-07:00

who shall remain nameless (but if i WERE to name them, it'd rhyme with "pain in the ass" (okay, maybe not, but...)) suggested that i should buy a new watch instead of doing the j-b weld thingie, and i think the old one overheard. and now it's not working as smoothly as it once was. all of a sudden it's gaining about a minute a day. which really isn't the most convenient thing in the world. so i'll send it back to the swatchco's repair center for a cleaning and tuning. however the last time i sent a watch in it wasn't a timely repair process. so i need something new to take with me on my upcoming xtended vacation from the hell that i call my civilian job.

so. another one of the same faithful (but emotionally sensitive) watch?

or a spiffy new model?

this is actually what i'd love to have but it's a little too expensive when i know i'm going to beat it up so badly:

so which do you like best?

it's three in the morning...

2007-10-20T00:08:00.001-07:00

and damnit, i'm going to bed soon. but it's one of the few chances i've had to really be on the computer all week so i just wanted to do some quick randoms. today was a long day. yesterday was special kinda hell. but it finished halfway cool and my super-cool friend in philly came and picked me and eight of my not-closest friends from class up and did an awesome job of getting us all to downtown philly and coordinating our night without losing anyone. she did much better than the average military joe would've and the movement and coordination of troops is normally one of their specialties. she got most of us to a cool restaurant where we proceeded to drink wayyyy to much and eat a little. and come home way past our bedtimes. so today started way too early. like after less than 4 hours of sleep. we had to take ou final exam for the week, then have a stupid graduation ceremony, then listen to people be/say stupid things. then we shot out of there (we being me and another guy from colorado) baltimore, as fast we could. met up with a friend here, then my sister, then drove part way back to philly for tomorrow's flight. ugh. so i'm off to bed now i think.

class is over, we both passed. we spend some time with some amazingly cool people. and some amazingly less-than-cool ones. had some great burgers, pizzas, beer and tasty cakes. wasn't thrilled with the cheesesteak i've had out here.

night all.

so much for a great week...

2007-10-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

i thought it was going to be a kinda easy, catch up on rest week. this class has seriously sucked. on her training schedule she's got class starting at 8:00am and ending at 5:00pm everyday. we've been starting at 7:30am and getting out at 7:00pm. i got lucky and got out a little early last night, and fortunately met up with a friend here in philly who was absolutely awesome and took me and my battle-buddy out and showed us the town. so far that's been the highlight of the trip.

it's one a.m. and everyone just left my hotel room, we were in here working on our presentations for class tomorrow. fortunately we learned our lesson and had beer this time. made things go a little easier at least. 11 hours is way too much time to listen to people cry.

anyways, the class is over in two days. i can hold my breath for two days if i have to. and SOME of the classmates are cool and fun to hang out with. and i had an awesome burger with blue cheese last night. and tasty kakes. gotta stock up on those before i go home.

hope everyone's having a great week!

special kinda hell...

2007-10-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

so. i'm at class to prepare me to be the equal opportunity representative for our unit. i'm torn on the position. i see the need for it sometimes and am glad to do it, but at the same time it bothers me on some level that as an army at war that we're forced to take so much time out of training for things like this. i don't understand why it's so hard for people to treat one another fairly and with respect.

if you remember this post you'll know why this class is so miserable for me. it's not because of the extra responsibilities i'm training for. it's because of the class itself. when we came out here we were hoping it was going to be death-by-powerpoint. but it's not. okay. maybe it'll just be alot of open forum discussions? nope. no such luck. my homework assignment for tonight? draw a picture that symbolizes me. then write five words on the picture that also describe me. then draw four pictures of my highest values. THEN tomorrow we'll discuss them in small groups and we'll ask ask each other questions to better understand why they picked the images and words that they chose.

oh lordy. i've spent two hours working on this stupid assignment and i'm dreading having to discuss any of this tomorrow. of course, i didn't drink. that might've made things much easier. definate "whoops" and "lesson learned" on my part.

still eating tasty kakes though. so it's not a total loss.

for those of you who asked here they are.

i forgot!

2007-10-14T22:01:00.001-07:00

it's definately gonna be a good week. wanna know how i know? it's because the convenience store next door has tastykakes!

busy-busy...

2007-10-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

i've been pretty busy lately. an army class in denver on thursday and friday (so i was working late tues and weds at the civilian job, trying to get things scared away), other army stuff on saturday. a leg of the denver marathon this morning and then i flew to philly tonight. although i'm out of town, i think i'll catch up on some rest and sleep this week. i think this week will just be normal 8 hr workdays, which i need.

yesteday was fun. as i've said before there's a couple of these kids who are going to have to be dragged kicking and screaming into adulthood. they're interesting leadership challenges. it's amazing how many of them refuse to take personal responsibility for things. they're excellent excuse makers. i frequently wonder if their parents are actually aware of how spoiled and unprepared for adulthood some of these kids are.

hope everyone had a great weekend!

the dangers of overanalyzing things...

2007-10-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

so i was hanging out with some friends the other night when they got into a heated discussion. now i'm not going to say it was a stupid argument or that it was one person's fault more than the others but...

last week a buddy (d) went to the e.r. with some headache pains. i went and picked him up, this other guy that i was with stopped in a couple times to make sure everything was okay. last weekend they went shooting together and they've hung out a couple times since the e.r. trip. this couple is an older couple, and has been together forever, so by this stage of the game she should really have a better idea of how he works. anyways, we were hanging out and she asks us how d's doing. "fine, he looks good". "well, what was wrong with him?" "he had a bad headache". "no, i know that why he went to the hospital, what what caused the headaches?" "dunno" <-me "didn't ask" <- her husband. that started her off on why didn't we ask.

i started to withdraw from the conversation at this point and was looking for a position in the room that would provide me with both cover and concealment. she directed her energies towards her husband and things went downhill from there. apparently there are (in her mind) serious communications issues in their relationship. she wants him to dig deeper and talk about his feelings more with her. he's closed off, emotionally unavailable to her. he does a good job listening to her when she talks and discusses her feelings with her, but why can't he let her be there for him the same way?

the conversation dragged on and on, and got nowhere fast. she's dated him forever. she's been married to him forever. he talks to her, he's just not wired the same way she is. he doesn't dig too deeply into his own feelings and isn't going to start. he knows what he knows about himself and feels no need to ask why does he know what he knows. he'll say "ow" (or more likely "son-of-a-bitch!") if he hits his thumb with a hammer when he's driving a nail into a 2"x4". he's more than happy to tell you if you've pissed him off. and i've seen him be sweet and tender with his wife and daughters. she's going through some soul searching right now because she's hitting middle age and is unhappy with her life and wants to drag him along for the ride. he's been this way for decades, why try to bully him into changing?

i fight the urge to overanalyze stuff everyday. i can't turn my brain off at night and i can spend the night tossing and turning and rehashing events if i let myself. take something simple like shooting. why have i been so much lately? i'm not a gun freak, why shoot so much? i'm not really shooting that well right now, relatively speaking. is it just that i enjoy shooting, and it's as simple as that? have i been enjoying the company? or is their something deeper? honing skills? concern that this trip's gonna be more dangerous than the last? lack of faith in the training we've been getting as a whole? doubt in my own personal skill? the fact that i'm not shooting as hot really worrying me? wanting to be better than all of my guys in as many different skills as possible, so that i'm leading by example? i could go on for hours obsessing over my motivations.

and that's just shooting. lordy if i obsessed like that over inter-personal relationships, i'd drive myself nuts. not that i don't spend some time. i've definately confessed to being a championship level "what if?" player. but as i've grown up here over the last couple of years i've gotten alot better and shutting it off before it gets TOO wildly out of control. i don't do it with everything though, thank God. the fact that he doesn't seem to spend tons of time overanalyzing things is something i'm jealous of, and the fact that she wants him to change that...

where am i going with this? i have no idea. but there's alotta stuff tumbling through my head these days and i'm sure you guys are gonna be forced to read all of it. consider yourselves warned.

2007-10-06T10:36:00.001-07:00

http://www.shareoursuzy.org/

My older sister's friends started this organization to help my sister when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. After she went into remission, she kept the events going to raise money to help other breast cancer patients. Unfortunately the cancer returned, and we lost Suzy, but the organization, and her spirit remain. The money raised through these events isn't sent to big companies or organizations or research groups that are trying to fight breast cancer, it goes to help the actual patients in the South Carolina region. It helps provide transportation, wigs for chemo patients, assistance with pharmacy and hospital bills, etc.. The group tries to help each patient maintain as much of their dignity as possible.

If you're in the Columbia or Charleston area, please consider attending one of their fundraising events, or volunteering your time to help with event set up and management. If you're not in the area but know someone who is, please send the link along or consider donating yourself. If you can't donate, but have time to go volunteer locally, please do so. Every little bit helps. Money isn't the only way to help. The hospital volunteers who assisted us with literature, a shoulder to cry on, personal stories of triumph over the disease... they all helped so much.

Sean

whoops...

2007-10-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

sorry, i didn't realize i was leaving a cliffhanger there. i went to the girl i'd gone to before. i was talking to someone about it, they said "hey, you know, you don't look as goofy as your normally do with that buzz cut." and that was enough to say that while she might be weird, she at least cuts hair well. she was a little more subdued this time.

i'd like to link to the original video but the embed link is turned off. (sonybmg posted it and i guess they don't want guys like me spreading the love. silly them. one of you might've rushed out and bought the cd after hearing it here.)

when i went to afghanistan i had no idea what to expect. i didn't realize we'd be without power in our living quarters for almost our entire trip. we were told to pack light so i didn't take a cd player because i figured if i wanted to i could plug my laptop in and play music on that. i did have a pocketpc/pda with a memory card in it that i used as an mp3 player with me and that had probably 100 songs on it. the px over there was brand new and flights weren't coming often and it was only being stocked with stuff that wouldn't sell anyplace else. and guys were so bored over there that they were buying the silliest things. so new music wasn't rushing in. and the internet was virtually non-existant, you definately weren't downloading music from itunes or peer-to-peer programs.

about the third week into the tour i keep hearing the guitars from "plowed". and couldn't get them out of my head. by the end of the trip i was desperate to hear the whole song. i could only remember a handful of lyrics and they were driving me crazy. i needed to hear the whole song, loud, in it's entirety. i didn't love the song before, i didn't hate it then. it was always just there, when it came on the radio i listened, when it wasn't playing i didn't miss it. but after that tour i HAD to hear it. it was a ghost that needed to be exorcised.

for the trip to iraq i made sure i had an ipod with me. loaded with songs. and sponge was definately one of them. so of course was that the song that haunted me? oh no. i couldn't be so lucky. the 2nd trip it was:

yes. i'm a goon. i ended up buying season one of charles in charge. i'm probably one of only ten people in the u.s. who paid hard earned cash for that.

guesses on what it's gonna be this time around?

okay, okay... women are right...

2007-09-28T14:46:00.001-07:00

getting your hair cut IS complicated!

so. i need a haircut this weekend. a buddy was asking me if i would have time to go shoot this weekend, and i said i didn't know and was listing out the things i need to accomplish. unfortunately it's a halfway long list for a weekend and if i don't get a couple big things done i'll feel like a slacker. which i am. but i'll really feel like one.

one of the items was "get my haircut". he got excited. "ooh, this'll work out. we'll go to my place and then we'll go shooting afterwards" and started laughing way more than he needed to at the idea of getting our hair cut. we've talked about "his place" before and it freaks me out. he goes to a topless barber shop. now, i'm not against oogling breasts. that's not what freaks me out. what freaks me out is the last two times i've gotten my hair cut at MY place, the barbers (both women, but not topless) have gotten splinters from my hair. i had no idea such a thing was possible, and then to have two of them, in a row, have it happen to them is just weird. i asked both of them about it, and they both said it usually happens a couple times a week. and it happened in the same place to both of them. they were reaching over my head with one arm and just brushed their inner arm against my head and *blam* splinter. so. i start thinking about topless females and accidental brush and a splinter in a really inconvenient, sensitive spot and cringe. so that place is out.

and my normal place? i went their two weeks ago in uniform. i'd just gotten done counseling my new soldiers and one of the bullets i cover in the initial counseling is professional appearance. then i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw that i was looking a little shaggy and couldn't be a hypocrite. so i stopped on the way home to get a haircut so i wouldn't embarrass myself the next day standing in front of them in formation. the female barber who opened up first called my name and i went back, sat in the chair and we started small-talking as she was doing her prep work. turns out we're both part thai and so we just kept talking from there. nice, normal trivial hair-cut chit-chat. obviously she was high-energy and was one of those ones who can't just let you trance-out, but has to keep talking or they get uncomfortable.

anyways, she's just talking and all of a sudden the words "i really want to sleep with an army guy" come out of her mouth. and are followed by lots of other words. which didn't ease my comfort level. especially with tons of people, to include kids around. i mean, it's one thing in the parking lot of a bar at last call, or whispered in your ear... at an appropriate moment. but blurted out, repeatedly by your barber throws you for a loop.

i'm getting shaggy again, so tomorrow's haircut day. we'll see how it goes.

2007-09-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

i think this video came out the summer i was 17. back when mtv actually had music. i had such a crush on the girl and thought it was a great song at the time. i could be in the other end of the house and hear this video come on and i'd almost break my neck trying to plant my ass on the couch to watch it. fortunately all the guys i hung out with felt the same way, so if we were all hanging out together everyone shut up at once and we didn't have to beat anyone down.

different times way back when. i watch this now and feel relatively guilty because she looks so young. as i understand it, billy was still recovering from his motorcycle accident and that's why all the shots are of him from the waist up and he's got such a limited role in this video.

too bad his new music sucks so bad.

2007-09-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

i deleted a comment by accident on a post or two back. sorry!

couple things...

2007-09-23T17:07:00.000-07:00

okay. first, i've gotta say you guys are absolutely awesome. thanks so much all of you. i really appreciate all the offers of tastykakes and ikea runs and everything else as a response to my earlier post. and i apologize, i didn't mean to sound like i was asking you guys for stuff, no guilt trips, honest. keep reading, i'm not gonna ask for collections for a new ipod (or tissot seastar), i promise.

i'm gonna tell my mom and my dad. and i'll probably tell them before i go. i just don't see the point of telling them now, or several months ago and causing my mom to worry for several months. she can't change anything, but she'll worry anyways. so i'll give her a couple more months of blissful ignorance.

so. funny story. my dad joined the navy way back when. he'd failed out of the seminary, sucked at selling insurance and his brothers had gone through the navy and done well for themselves afterwards. so he thought he'd give it a shot. at the time, if you wanted to the G.I. Bill you had to serve in a combat zone, so he volunteered for service in Vietnam. did he tell his folks? oh hells no. how'd they find out? he broke his glasses. he needed to get a radio patch to the local radio station and have them tap into the local phone system so he could get his mom to get his prescription and send it over. not as happy as they could be. especially when the next time they saw him he had a wife and two kids... short story long, he fell in love with that part of the country and didn't want to come home.

timing is everything...

2007-09-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

a couple years ago i was crosstraining with another unit in denver. they were moving within a building and needed a hand from a commo guy/computer geek. they had a pretty good guy on staff, but it was just alot of work for one guy. i met the kid, he was pretty sharp, we worked well together the first morning. as we were bullshitting while working, we realized we lived in the same apartment complex on the complete other side of town. we were both from iowa, both had the same military specialty and both did the same thing in the civilian world. he's a fair bit younger than me but we've hung out over the years and become pretty good buddies.

i was trying to talk him into going to afghanistan with me, but he wouldn't. he was just coming off of an active duty tour, and was starting a new job and didn't want to screw with it by leaving for a tour. he's working for a government contractor and an opportunity came up for him to go to iraq with them for a helluva lot more money than i'll be making. he's excited about it. he's young, single, and has trained for deployments. he'll really set himself up for success with the company he's working for. just a win-win situation.

a couple weeks ago we were going out to dinner. the girl he was kinda seeing was with us and we were talking about his trip. she's from a very religious, very close-knit family. she's graduated from college, working a very "grown-up", "career" job. making a decent wage for someone so young and living at home with her family, just because they're that close. so she's having ALOT of problems understanding him. he's got no plans to go home first to see his family before going home. hasn't told them that he's going yet. while we were going through some of his stuff, he made a smart assed comment about how he was having a harder time throwing out old combat boots than he did throwing out christmas cards and letters from the family. she was hoping i'd help her gang up on him and get him to talk to his family.

i couldn't do it. not all of my family knows yet. i personally am too weak to deal with lectures from my dad. he's such a hero to me that it tears me up when he tells me what a mistake i'm making. especially since he's a vietnam vet. he's been in similar situations, and knows that they're not always by choice. so i'm just avoiding that all together. one of my biggest fears in that respect is that i won't be able to swallow it, and i'll say things i'll regret. and then something will happen to me over there and that's the last thing he'll remember. hearing the same lecture 3 times in a row doesn't not make it any better.

bigger than that though is my mom. next month will be 2 years now since my sister passed away. she worried so badly last time. if there was anyway to go the whole trip without telling her about it, it'd be just fine by me. or at least make it through the holidays. but unfortunately i don't think that's gonna happen. i'd like to spare her a couple of months of worrying if possible though. not quite sure of the right time to break that one to her though. blah.

stockpiling...

2007-09-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

so i've been on this waffle cone blizzard kick lately. are they REALLY that good? pretty close. are the dq girls really that cute? not so much, they just make me feel old. so why do i go there so much?

i got a speeding ticket on the motorcycle the other day. over 25 miles over the speed limit. and even though i've gotten one, i can't turn the speed freak off. if i'm having a john wayne day where i'm really feeling good on the bike i just keep twisting and twisting the throttle...

i'm eating out. alot lately. but no subway, pizza hut, taco bell or burger king. lots of junk food and nice restaurants. i'm sitting on the couch watching tons of t.v., drinking more beer than i normally do, cranking the stereo whenever possible... in all of 2007 i've been shooting for fun twice. all in the last week. and i'm going again on sunday.

i'm not running anywhere near as much as i should. bare minimum to pass my p.t. test and be able to beat/keep up with my kids. nothing to improve my times or prepare for my leg of this year's marathon.

you've probably figured out what i'm doing already. because you're smarter than me. someone actually had to point it out to me. i'm stockpiling experiences before i deploy. i suppose if morals didn't get in the way i'd be having one night stands or hiring hookers left and right. all the things that i'm going to miss while i'm overseas i'm catching up on right now. as much as a person can. i've already started to think about who i can tap for tastykakes, ikea pillows and clean bedsheets. i've really been pulling myself away from friends alot lately. been trying to enjoy some solitude before i'm constantly surrounded by people. which i need to be careful about, because i don't want to lose friends, and when i'm over there i'll miss them as much as i'll miss alone time.

anyways. don't call me sunday afternoon. i'll be busy stockpiling naps or shooting. :)

i'm okay with going back

2007-09-11T12:41:00.001-07:00

the weekend...

2007-09-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

the weekend was pretty good. slept late saturday. made plans to go shooting and then got a call from one of the guys in my group. "hey, what're you doing?" "getting ready to go shooting, you?" "i'm down here at the harley shop, why aren't you here?" "uhm. because i don't need a new motorcycle and mine is running fine?" "no jackass, the fund raiser. why aren't you down here?"

military units have what they call an "frg" or "family readiness group". the spouses/families form a support group for one another. in theory a good thing, in practice? usually a disaster that occassionaly gets lucky and does some good. anyways, they run some fundraisers to raise money to have events and to help families in need during deployments. they buy gifts for the kids at Christmas, etc...

each year the big harley shop near me (where i bought my scoot from) has a big event and they let our frg set up a booth and sell t-shirts and snacks. usually it's the biggest money maker of the year. only this year the unit forgot to tell anyone when it was. apparently a couple kids were hanging around on friday so they got snagged to help out. so i threw on my uniform and climbed on the bike and got down there. always fun looking at skanky biker chicks for an hour or two. and the non-skanky ones. seriously though, it's good to get out there and meet people and clear up misconceptions about the military. let them see we're not all a bunch of brain-washed idiots who aren't capable of making informed decisions of our own.

i was still able to get out with my buddy and go shooting. that was a heck of alot of fun. quiet range, we were the only people shooting. the army takes all of the fun out of shooting for qualification purposes. it's fun just to put rounds downrange and get comfortable with the weapons all over again. he's a pretty good shot and taught me a couple cool tricks. i'd like to think i returned the favor.

sunday was just spent doing errands around the house, then screwing around. a friend and his gf came over for burgers and brauts. we went pistol shopping. then fried cd's in an old microwave to watch the spark show.

kinda nice to have a really, really low-key, low-stress weekend for once.

i'm shot for the rest of the day...

2007-09-06T14:27:00.001-07:00

i've eaten too much. today was another cookout day at work.

here's my little grill station where i worked my magic.

and i have NO idea what the goofy look on my face was for here... someone brought in some delicious brownies and some excellent carrot cake. i'm pretty much useless until tomorrow folks!

don't be a selfish ass...

2007-09-04T23:50:00.000-07:00

...for lack of a better title

so. as the new deployment gets closer alot of negativity comes out from people who i'd like to consider as members of my support group. they don't mean it as such. but it's there and it's a pain in the ass to deal with. and it's not just me, we're all going through it. one of my kids is in big trouble because he just stopped showing up for training. his family was guilting him like crazy. saying that his grandmother (who raised him) was on her deathbead and his deployment would push her over the edge, and then preventing him from seeing her. his girlfriend is threatening to break up with him or cheat on him if he leaves because she "loves him so much and doesn't know how to cope without him". when he finally got a chance to see his grandmother in person she was fairly supportive. not happy, but supportive.

with me it's alot of "why do you have to go again?", "so are you surprised that your boss is being an ass to you when you're leaving all the time?", "do you realize that you're shirking responsibilities?", "do you enjoy stressing your mother out this much?", "your civilian job is just as meaningful as your army job" and what tons of others.

i'm a good soldier. someone was trying to make fun of me the other day at training, saying that i'd make a great mom because i worry about all the little details. i considered it a compliment. as an nco, that's my job. i'm supposed to take care of my soldiers, everything from making sure that they're bathing regularly and practicing good personal hygiene to worrying about their technical and tactical abilities. there are some guys who are better at different aspects of soldiering than me, but i'm a pretty damned good total package.

soldiering might just be what i do best. there's probably other things that i'm good at but nothing that i do as well overall. and there isn't much that gives me that kind of feeling of satisfaction. of course with the good comes lots of bad. and the potential for alot more. if something bad happens to one of these young guys that i'm responsible for...

if i had the temperament to be a teacher or the brains and discipline to be a doctor those are careers i'd shoot for. i spent alot of time agonizing over the decision of whether or not to enter the seminary a decade ago. toured several, spent tons of times in retreats praying for guidance. i've done research about careers in law enforcement and even applied to a place or two. but at the end of the day soldiering is my niche. of course, because life is never easy it comes with alot of bureaucracy that i can't handle full time, so i have to do it as a reservist and take a little break from it from time to time, but it's not just a job. it's a lifestyle choice. it's part of me. part of the definition of me. not the entirety, but definately an important piece.

so it irks me that people ask me to deny that. that they don't get that and think it's something to just turn off. maybe i could flip that switch in time of peace, but now? send kids out the door and not be willing to go myself? granted, i'm getting tired. and this trip is going to be my last for awhile, but i'll still be training and poking and prodding... and it really irks me when people try to compare my civilian job to that. my civilian job is all about making sure that people use technology to streamline their processes. thus helping the company to save money. thus making the owner of the company richer. that's it. it's about making money. manufacturing a product that if we didn't make, someone else would. and not even making a helluva lot of money for myself. and everytime i've left before? it's survived without me.

then there's the whole "legal obligation". "why can't you just stop doing that stuff? tell them it's interfering with work?" because i'm legally obligated. sure, i volunteered to be legally obligated, but i'm legally obligated all the same. a piece of paper shows up on my desk ordering me to report for duty means i have to report for duty. if i don't show up action can be taken against me. and were i not legally obligated, i'd still be morally obligated. i took an oath. and i've gotten some good stuff out of the army. and the army had upheld it's end of the bargin. my last bonus which helped me buy my house and get out from under bad debt, training, my college degree, life experiences, great friendships, self-confidence and so much more. my turn to uphold my end.

this video is another of those "sad songs" we were talking about a couple posts ago. i enjoy big and rich, mostly for their more upbeat songs that i like roadtripping to. but this is a great song, and a great video. and it's what it's all about. the guys to your left and your right. the same guys who i just got back from iraq with are turning around and going on this new trip. with a couple additions. that alone is a good enough reason for me. would you let your son or brother or father or spouse go alone if you had an opportunity to go with them? think our relationships are any less strong?

i know all these people mean well. and i appreciate the sentiment. but in reality they're just making it so much harder. and i'm sure i'll have negativity myself about the trip. and i'll vent it. the "deployment" as a whole encompasses a helluva of time, people and experiences. and some of them are going to be bad. and as much as i want to go, there are parts of me that don't. i'm human. which makes me complicated.

it doesn't get much better...

2007-09-03T19:33:00.001-07:00

... than a cold beer in a hot shower after a good day's work.

introducing...

2007-08-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

J-B Weld! Almost as good as duct tape!

recommendations...

2007-08-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

BigWhiteHat has a post about the saddest song he's heard on his blog.

for me it's always been "fire and rain" by james taylor.

when i was a kid, moving around all the time it related to all the friends i lost touch with over the years. which is recommendation #1 for the day. if you've got netflix or one of those services and you haven't seen it yet, you need to stick "running on empty" with river phoenix in your queue. as a kid that was just a movie i could relate to so much. (no, my parents weren't wanted by the fbi).

as i've gotten older that song still means all the people i've lost touch with, which is really more tragic now than it was then, because now it's because i'm a lazy ass or something has happened where we're just not as important to one another. 25 years ago it was a little harder to communicate with kids once we moved from someplace. in today's day of cheap long distance, instant messaging and email if i lose touch with someone... but the song also means everyone i've lost over the years, that i'll never be able to say the things i should've said to. at least not in this life.

second recommendation? "chiefs" by stuart woods. and if you can find it on videotape, the miniseries. it's one of the few books that i've liked as a movie better, but just barely. he does ALOT of character development and backstory in the novel so in some ways the pacing of the mini series is just a little better. if you enjoy reading fiction and want a good end-of-summer read, it's a great one.

randoms

2007-08-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

another old video for courtney

-so. how do some ideas get past so many people when they're clearly bad? when i was at fort bragg i used to eat at fazoli's fairly regularly. single guys in the barracks didn't have kitchens, the dining facility closed at 6:00pm and it was just cheap and easy. especially when i was doing alot of racing and it seemed like a decent way to carb load. i don't eat there so often now and walked in the other night and was surpised to see that they were charging $0.25 for "endless breadsticks". walking past all the seats to my table and seeing how few of them had the indicator on the table to designate that the patron had purchased the breadsticks was humorous. it's hard to believe they couldn't bury a charge into the meals to cover the price of breasticks and continue to appear as a service oriented, friendly establishment instead of appearing as a greedy company out to nickle and dime you to death. before that actually became policy and the signs and all were printed don't you think someone would've had to say "hey, is this REALLY the image we want to portray?"

-the watch that i love? one of the pins popped out of the band. i couldn't stand the thought of sending it away for weeks so i tried to j-b weld it. so far so good. not sure that j-b weld is the recommended way to repair a fine swiss timepiece, but oh-well. it's kinda funny, my dad grew up during some really rough times. like bread and butter sandwiches and glad to have them rough times and so treats all of his possessions carefully. so carefully that he rinses his car with purified water so that it doesn't get mineral spots on it when he washes it. he also fixes pocket watches and clocks. i was asking him if he had pins in his desk that would fit it and while he was looking i mentioned that i was expecting a lecture from him for beating up my nice watch. he said hell no. i bought it, i should wear it, that's what watches are for. sometimes he confuses the hell out of me.

-i'm still hella pissed about this lack of training. it's a leadership thing. how dare you send troops into a dangerous situation without proper training. i fully agree with rumsfeld's quote of "you go to war with the army you have, not the army you want". if i was told to get my troops ready to get on a plane to go into a combat zone in 18hrs or less, i'd say "yes sir" and drive on with my mission. but we had training set up for other soldiers. we had the time, the equipment. it was a lack of planning that prevented us from having enough people on the ground to train everyone who is deploying. so now i'm going to have to take a lot of personal time and money to buy ammunition and call in favors to borrow weapons and get civilian range time to train my guys and get their comfort level up. and it's not out of the goodness of my heart. sure, it's the right thing to do. but it's also entirely selfish. my safety may soon depend on these young guys and i want to make sure they're up to snuff. i'm not 100% sure about the rules of ranting against the military in a public forum, but i have to say i'm very disappointed that we're an army that's been at war for 7 years now and we're still making the training mistakes we're making. the whole focus of the army is wrong. we're worried about a new dress uniform. some peoples' priorities are a little messed up.

-it's nice to be stationary for a couple days. my poor yard's a mess and the small mountain of laundry facing me is intimidating. so's the amount of paperwork i have to do to get reimbursed for all of travel lately.

-if you were going to get a graduate degree today and it was going to be for the purpose of forwarding your career (although if you're one of the lucky bastards who found a field that coincides with all that they love and so the graduate degree would both forward their career AND be something that they're amazingly interested in and WANT to learn...) what would it be in and why?

-i finally completed all coursework for my undergrad. now i'm just waiting for the jackasses to finish grading the final for the last class. i swear they drag the process out as long as possible on purpose. but i'm putting in my promotion packet for the next step and will be able to include the degree. took me long enough.

-i'm a geek, but i'm in love with this pen.

-i'd love it if people would take the self-porn photos off their computers before they gave them to me to fix. just saying. well. okay. if hot girls ever give me their computers to fix they can leave it on. yes. i am a pig. oink-oink.

a new one

2007-08-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

the song i can't get out of my head this week. i have NO idea what the video means, but...

so i'm back. but i'm leaving in a couple hours.

2007-08-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

the weekend was good. great training. for everyone but me and my guys. so yes, there's a little bitterness about that, and we'll discuss that in a minute. got home safe'n'sound on tuesday without wrecking another car. maybe the jinx is lifted. came close once, but...

i've got several things i want to write about in the future:

-an absolutely wonderful someone who called "country" and "southern rock" the same thing.

-my earlier post about reasons not to date someone and people who are single past 35 or so.

-people who haven't learned the "don't judge someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes" lesson in reference to non-catholics who bash the church, non vets who bash the military, etc...

-songs that stick in our heads from our "musically formative" years.

-those snapshots in time that remind you how far you've come and how old you've gotten

so. there are many ways to group people in the army. one method that the army likes is splitting them into two groups know as "combat/combat arms" and "combat support". the logic used to be you were either a trigger puller or else you supported the trigger pullers. commo guys like me, mechanics, medics, cooks, intel, supply guys and many others would all be known as combat support. great in theory. the reality of it though? as a commo guy i trained just as hard as the combat engineers i supported. learned to use alot of the same weapons and explosives that they did and could've been sent into combat with them. the bad guy wouldn't see my little antenna sticking up and say "wait, he's combat support, shoot the other guys first!", they'd see my antenna and say "oooh, shoot him first, cut them off from everyone else so they can't call for help". so it'd be in my best interest to shoot back and be just as effective as the combat engineers or the infantry guys i'm supporting. same goes for all the other support guys. and now, in iraq where it's more guerilla warfare instead of battle lines support guys are just as much at risk as anyone else. and guys who work in jobs that aren't as needed in this war as others are being retrained to perform infantry tasks. the lines are definately getting blurred and the army realized it and created the "combat action badge" to be awarded to non-infantry guys who are engaged in combat and perform well.

apparently no one has told my high headquarters about any of this though. we went out to cali to perform "battle focused training" for the "deploying soldiers". we've been doing this training here on our own for months, and have been doing it very effectively, but our battalion wanted us to come to california and go through it there as well. we were under the impression that they were going to be training us and were looking forward to going through the training lanes. when we got there we were told that we were still going to be training ourselves, that they were just there to "coordinate" and "observe" and "validate" our training. they wanted the headquarters section (me and my guys) to train the rest of the crew instead of going through the training with them. why? because they were "more at risk".

we were doing convoy skills training. in iraq the headquarters section put 2 as many miles on the vehicles as most of the teams. we were on the roads more and in many ways at much more risk than the teams. the teams usually operated in the same areas with close support whereas we supported ourselves and were frequently way out in hostile territory. some team guys were in much worse situations than i was. some weren't. and we have no idea what's going to happen this time around. but my guys are just as much at risk, and just as much in need of the training as the others.

we sucked it up and supported the others. it was still good for my new guys. they got to see alot of mistakes being made and hopefully learned from them. i did some good training, because while everyone else was focused on grading the guys on some of their psychological operations task i was watching what they were doing from a tactical standpoint and caught alot of (and corrected alot of) mistakes they were making tactically. i also got to put my guys in "leadership" roles and send them off on their own to make mistakes. so i got to develop some level of trust in their ability to act correctly in my absence. basically i'm going to end up having to carve out time and train us up on our own. which sucks. but to be honest we'll probably be tighter-knit for our troubles.

i'm out...

2007-08-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

off to california so they can kick our asses for four days. military training. according to the training schedule there are a couple of nights with less than 4 hours allotted to sleep. and sometime in that 4 hrs there are leaders' meetings, weapons cleaning, personal hygiene, and whatever else has to get done to be ready for the next day's training. then i go to phoenix to pick up a replacement car. should be back here monday or tuesday.

behave!

so here's a question...

2007-08-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

i was watching "friends" the other night and it was the episode where chandler starts dating the girl, finds out she's got an artifical leg and is freaked out about it, gets over it and is ready to date her and then she finds out that he has a triple nipple and leaves him.

we've all seen the movies... girl meets guy, girl falls for guy incredibly quickly, guy confesses he's dying from some disease, girl stays with guy anyway and has the most amazing couple of weeks/months/whatever that makes it all worth while. or something else along those lines. love conquers all. a few minutes of love is worth a lifetime of pain. so on and so forth.

so in real life what makes someone an insensitive, selfish jerk? we're getting ready to go out the door again. there's a young guy i know who went on a couple dates with a girl, then life interupted. they kinda run in the same circles and he's found out from others that she's still a virgin. they've talked about it some and about going out on more dates and she's definately dropped the hints that she's more than interested. he, on the other hand, doesn't want to get into a serious relationship when he's months away from going out the door and will quite honestly tell you that while he doesn't have any immediate prospects wouldn't mind sex for the sake of sex before he leaves. but being the good guy that he is, he feels totally guilty. if they'd steadily gone out on dates and he liked her and it came up that she was still a virgin, he'd be okay with that and might've waited for her. but knowing what he knows now, and being where he is he really doesn't want to date her.

i've know a guy who refuses to date a girl if she's not taking anti depressants. says he can't deal with "typical female mood swings". there's a girl who has broken up with a guy when she found out he was bi-polar. one guy refuses to date anyone else who suffers from migraines. said he did that for years and it just drastically changed his life. he'd spend a week or more every month tending to his girlfriend and just doesn't want to go through that again. even though he knows that not everyone's migraines are that frequent or long lasting, he's just made the rule and so far is sticking to it. says he feels like he's regained all this lost freedom since they broke up. doesn't have to tiptoe around his own house, or live in the dark because the bright light hurt her head more. does that make him a jerk? or does he just want what he wants? and is that okay?

it's one thing when you've committed to being with someone through thick and thin and you're years into that relationship and life happens. yeah. you might be an ass for bailing on someone when life kicks them in the nuts. your husband of 20 years has a heart attack? might not be the best time to tell him you're leaving him. but you're in the first couple weeks and someone tells you they've been diagnosed with cancer and have a short life expectancy and you can't deal? are you shallow for leaving? or just honest? you feel their nubbin and it grosses you out? that okay? someone confesses to being a recovering drug/alcohol addict and you know for a fact that that's not a battle you want to help them fight...

are there any times you've passed on a relationship for something and you felt bad about it? would you look down your nose on someone for breaking up with someone for any of these reasons? look down on a friend for doing any of these things?

came across this quote today...

2007-08-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

and i liked it. robert duvall has always been one of my favorite actors, so it's always nice when you read something like this and realize that they really do embody some of the traits that they portray, like common sense.

"One guy asked me, 'How can you be an actor and be a Republican?'. I can vote either way. But how can you boil it down to political affiliation? All the atrocities against blacks in the South were committed by Democratic sheriffs."

and as a freebie:

"They should keep their mouths shut." - on Hollywood political activists

lovely...

2007-08-10T08:34:00.001-07:00

my blackberry pearl just fell into the commode.

2007-08-09T14:48:00.000-07:00

someone just brought in a couple of photos that they'd taken of me in iraq. this was one of them, was trying to figure out when and where. well, okay, with the date stamp i didn't try TOO hard to figure out the when, but i guess it was on a trip up north when were scouting for a site to conduct weapons training for some guys we wanted to educate quickly. i think i was pulling security here while we were halted. that was a weird day. everything was alot more laid back up in the northern part of the country because the violence was so much less. it took us awhile to calm down and relax. and of course, the minute we relaxed because everyone said we were safe up there, someone tried to kill us on the way home.

it was a good day though. a good crew of guys on the trip if i remember correctly, we made it through all the badstuff okay, we saw some of our guys that we hadn't seen in months and it's always nice to be able to see your friends with your own eyes and know they're okay.

kids in america

2007-08-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

i haven't been able to get this song out of my head for weeks. which isn't all bad. it's striking a chord right now for some reason.

2007-08-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

last night my dad popped up online to inform me that one of our family friends had passed away wednesday night. at first it didn't really impact me that much, he was an older guy and i thought of him more as mom and dad's friends and as that "nice old guy". but the more i've reflected on it through the night, the more i've realized the influence Earl had on my life. he was the guy who gave me my first canteen, canteen holder and pistol belt. he saw me out playing g.i. joe in the yard in savannah and called me over. next thing i knew i had REAL army stuff. a g.i. backpack, and a real army issue tent! that was the first night i slept outside by myself (or tried to, i'm pretty sure i was back in the house by midnight). many summer days were spent with that gear.

it was him, not any drill sergeant who taught me to keep my canteen clean and dry when not in use, as well as all that gear. that was all the old canvas stuff which would rot in a hurry in the southern humidity if not well cared for. Earl's the man who showed me the trick of soaking the canteen holder in water and letting the evaporation of that water cool my canteen. he didn't talk much about his service and i never heard war stories from him, but he reinforced my parents' teachings of good manners, attention to detail, selflessness and all of the other traits that have helped me be successful as a soldier. is he the reason i joined the service? no. but he's definately one of the reasons why i've found my niche there. and finding that niche is so rare that it's something that i'll always be grateful to him for.

it wasn't all army stuff though, many a night was spent with them at our dinner table or vice versa and that togetherness is always a great thing. there were the treats that he and his wife shared with my little sister and i. i had my first slice of grasshopper pie at their house i believe. in the summer when their grandson came to visit i had a new playmate right across the street and it got to point where we didn't even knock when we entered their house. i still have an atari setup at my parents house that they gave us and we spent countless hours playing, inside and out of the summer heat. earl played jazz clarinet and it was a joy to listen to him out in the garage playing while we were racing and chasing in yards.

as usual, it's one of those instances where we didn't realize what we had or how lucky we were until it was too late to say "thanks". one of those lessons i find myself relearining, over and over.

today was a better day...

2007-08-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

first day back to work. kinda a "fuzzy" feeling because i'm still a bit sick, dehydrated and spent 5 days not eating much of anything, but all of those problems are rapidly getting better. tomorrow will be even better. and then it's the weekend. and hey, as bad as it was, it was only a 2 day work-week. that's not so bad.

today was not a good day...

2007-08-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

Vaya Con Dios Ted.

hah. whoops. i didn't connect all the dots...

2007-08-01T00:29:00.001-07:00

so it's not just that i knew the guy that had me worried about screwing up with the funeral, it was the monster strep and the fact that i've lost about 8 lbs in 5 days and am weak as a kitten. i was going to be on the casket detail but was still contagious today so i couldn't be there for the rehearsals. so i think i'm just an usher and driver tomorrow. which is good. in going to get a haircut today i almost dropped the motorcycle doing a u-turn i was so shakey. not to sound like a whiney-cry-baby but that really kicked my ass.

so i've got to wake up in about 2 hrs to go do this thing and of course can't sleep. we've all been texting one another talking about stupid crap and avoiding the fact that we've got to do this tomorrow.

blah. thanks for the support though.

it's NOT west nile!

2007-07-31T22:42:00.000-07:00

not the first time i've had strep throat, but definately the weirdest. i woke up thinking maybe i was catching a summer cold. my back was a little stiff and i felt a little sniffly. i made it through most of the day but by about 7:00pm really, really started feeling bad. i had no idea what it was, but it wasn't pretty. i'd gone to see a movie and when i got up to leave the world just kinda started spinning, my head was really pounding and i couldn't tell if i felt nauseous or not. by the time i got home i just wanted to lay down and go night-night. but i couldn't. i was burning up and layed there under a mountain of blankets shivering, unable to get warm. after about an hour of that fun i finally passed out. and woke up about 2 hrs later sweating and hot under all the layers. i figured the fever had broke and i was fast on the road to recovery.

sunday i woke up feeling pretty good, a litte headache but that was it. by about 7:00 though i was back to feeling like God's soccer ball. solid body ache, cold shivers again, felt like the back of my skull was going to blow off when i moved... at this point (being the ruff'n'tuff army guy that i am) the thought of going to the doctor still hadn't crossed my mind. i went to bed early again, and spent the night waking up every hour and switching back and forth from the bed to the easy chair, trying to ease my back pain. each time i woke up i was getting more and more troubled. something was seriously wrong and i couldn't figure out what. but it was REALLY starting to scare me. at about two or three in the morning i finally got it. the reason why my back was hurting so bad? because i'd been working my ass off! they were forcing me to stuff pillows into pillow cases and i couldn't do it fast enough. but i couldn't do it any faster. i'd worked out the fastest way to do it, laying on my side, holding open the pillow cases with my mouth while using my knees to hold the bottom of the pillowcase. then i could shove the pillows in with my hands. and what was wrong? i'd DONE alot of this pillowcase stuffing. the room should be filled with pillows. mountaings of pillows! but there weren't any pillows in the room. some damned bastard was breaking into my room and stealing my pillows and i couldn't stop him because i was so sore and stiff and tired and my head hurt so bad and what the fuck was going to do! i was already behind and someone stole all my pillows. serious panic time people!

this panic went on for a couple hours. and then came the sunrise. and somehow or another, reality. about 6:00am i figured out that i'd NEVER been that mentally fucked up before and i probably needed to go see a doctor. so i napped until the doctor's office opened at 8:00am, called and made an appoint for 11:00am and got in there. my normal doctor couldn't see me so i had this really friendly old guy who you could tell still really enjoyed medicine. to the point where he really didn't have the best bedside manner because he was more interested in the symptoms and what not. "so. your throat's really red. it could be strep. or west nile disease. but if it's west nile, we won't be able to find out for a couple of weeks. and then we can't do anything about it because it'd be virile. so we'll just treat it like it's strep. don't worry about anything." then his nurse came in and did the quick strep test, verified it and sent me on my way.

seriously? pillow thieves? scary bastards. don't try to stop them by yourself, leave it to professionals. professional pillow thief stoppers.

missing posts...

2007-07-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

how many posts do you start and never finish? i had a couple posts about my cleveland trip planned, but now they seem kinda trivial.

the good: going to the rock'n'roll hall of fame, the class itself and learning what the military does to protect its soldiers and being treated like celebrities. we had to walk 2 blocks back and forth from the hotel to the class and everytime we walked people were honking their horns, leaning out of their windows and cheering for us, coming up to us in the sam's club and shaking our hands. i went for a run one night in civvies and someone recognized me and started honking and yelling "army strong".

the bad: more pay issues, and some frank discussions about state of mind. i'm not the only one with some anger issues. a couple of our guys have been in therapy since we've been back. and i'm not the only one who's getting considerably more aggressive the more i'm wearing the uniform and "putting my game face on". what worried me alot was one night i woke up and thought alot about death. not suicide or anything like that, but the whiney "oh, that'd solve alot of problems if..." not a big deal, but just so anti- my normal self. i'm pretty upbeat normally, when i bitch it's usually about a specific person or circumstance and i get it out of my system and then i try to fix the situation.

but this weekend alot of that became moot. one of our guys killed himself saturday night. nobody is quite sure what happened yet, if it was PTSD or stuff unrelated to the military. all i know is a poor 22 year old kid is gone and his friends and family are left trying to figure it all out. the guy was adopted and i'm sure his family is going to carry around some guilt, whether it's founded or not.

i didn't know the guy well. he's been on a couple of the training missions i've been on so i've been "in charge" of him a couple of times. i had high hopes for him and was pushing him a little whenever i had an opportunity to. he seemed like a good guy. he really surprised me when we flew back from north carolina a couple months ago and he spent the entire flight reading a bible.

his funeral will be in a couple days and i've been tapped for his funeral detail. on active duty i was tasked for funeral detail every year and have probably had the honor of performing in 30 or so of them. the difference with all of those was that it was complete strangers. i never knew the guy we were there for. this will be different and hopefully i don't screw my part of it up.

2007-07-25T11:40:00.001-07:00

2007-07-24T19:27:00.001-07:00

if you haven't watched "shaq's big challenge" you should watch an episode. and just shake your head at the situation. nothing earth shattering, and i'm sure alot of you with kids in jr. high are already aware of what's going on. kinda eye-opening to me though.

2007-07-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

so i had an interview in downtown denver today. i parked in a lot and walked a couple blocks to it. on the way back i could see a woman standing next to her car looking at it funny and talking on her phone, so i assumed she either had a flat or had been in an accident. i saw her from about a block and a half away and in the time it took me to get to her (she was in the lot i was parked in, about 15 feet from my car) TONS of guys walked and drove past her and no one stopped to help. when i got near her i could see it was a flat and offered to help. she was older, but amazingly attractive for her age and i was just shocked that if no one stopped to help her just to be a good samaritan that no one stopped in the hopes of getting her number or a story that they could type up and send to penthouse. what's the world coming to when you can't count on men being selfish and opportunistic? she said no, she was calling her husband, but when i got in my car and started backing up i could see her sheepishly walking to me. i got out and it turned out that her husband couldn't make it down there for awhile.

i got her tire changed. i had to guilt a heavy set guy to step on the wrench for me because they'd tightened some of the lugnuts too tight, but i got her on her way. the bad part about it was that she felt like she had to offer me money for helping. things are just weird. why do you have to pay someone to take ten minutes to change a tire for you?

moral of the story? when you get the tires on your car changed, make an ass of yourself and make sure that they don't over torque the lug nuts. they'll get lazy and just drive those nuts on with an air wrench. it's easy to get'em off with an air wrench. but when you're stuck on the side of the road it can kinda suck. you're paying them good money, make'em do their job right.

2007-07-23T12:06:00.001-07:00

damnit. i have this cowlick that refuses to lay flat because i couldn't get my haircut because my flight got home late last night. and an interview in 2 hrs. i need hair cair products. stat!

mac's misadventures...

2007-07-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

i love to travel. and i usually love most of the little stuff that pops up to keep things interesting. i enjoy traveling with someone (the right someone/someones), but it's funny how upset so many people get and how much they can't take those little stresses, or can't think things through. i'd rather travel alone than go with people who get stressed and blow that all out of proportion.

today i was on my way to the airport to fly to cleveland when i got a call from one of the guys i was supposed to be traveling with. he's a little younger and was a little excited. apparently our flight got canceled. i was just a couple minutes out from the airport and when i got there he'd already called the travel agency and was trying to get them to change the tickets. they wouldn't do it until our travel orders got ammended because the alternate flights would be considerably more expensive. that's not how i would've handled it, i would've gone through the airline, but one thing that i'm big on is letting these young guys handle things on their own. he had a plan. it wasn't mine, but i wasn't going to shoot him down. it ended up not working out, so we did it my way and got the airline to arrange seats for us on another airline. so we went through milwaukee then got to cleveland. when we got to milwaukee we were running late and were supposed to switch to a little puddle jumper for the flight to cleveland that was run by yet another airline. we went to the little kiosks and it printed boarding passes for two of us, but not the third for some reason. so we had to cut in a ticketing line and piss some people to get his boarding pass and run a little but we made it.

we got to cleveland, but our bags didn't. i might have to go to military training in shorts and a tee-shirt. and i'm gonna have to go down to the counter and mooch a toothbrush and toothpaste in a minute. and the shuttle picked us up but dropped us off at the wrong hotel.

all in all, just a normal day. i didn't total a car today. serious rain storms and turbulence, but nothing to get upset about. funny how bent out of shape these guys are though. it's a big adventure for them to tell everyone about when we get home now. i mean, we're in the u.s., there's not alot that can really go wrong. maybe we would've been late for class or stuck in a hotel in milwaukee for a night, but that's definately no biggie. so they're both off the "possible traveling companions" list.

anyways. fun, fun.

hope everyone is having a good weekend. this is hopefully my last busy, busy one for a couple weeks. i think next weekend i'll be home and able to sleep late. i've got a couple big interviews next week so keep the good wishes coming. :) thanks!

2007-07-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

so. here's a question. all we do at work is complain about the handful of users who bitch and moan and complain so much and occupy the majority of our time for petty reasons and prevent us from focusing on the big things we want to be working on that would benefit the entire company instead of the couple of self-centered individuals. sprint recently fired 1000 such customers .

anyways, the question? are we the stupid ones for complaining about such people instead of being one? obviously it works most of the time. nobody in my company gets fired for it, instead it seems as if they get promoted...

2007-07-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

I'm home safe'n'sound. The car is still in Kansas. The damage was worse than they originally thought. The insurance inspector will head out there tomorrow to check it out and authorize repairs locally. Apparently my stupid ass is going to have to go back there at some point in the near future to pick it up and drive it back. Yay!

Busy couple weeks. Wrapping up my last class, huge problems @ work, job hunt, Army stuff. Not sure where the end in site is. But it's fun. I'm going to drag a couple of kids dragging kicking and screaming into adulthood in the Army. There are a couple of parents out there that I'd like to kick in the jimmy for raising such spoiled little brats. It's fun to start looking out at the next chapter after the B.S. is completed. There are alot of fun looking graduate degree programs out there. And the weather's been nice. Great to ride the motorcycle daily again.

blah

2007-07-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

no good deed goes unpunished. i need to repeat this over and over until i stop saying "sure" everytime someone asks for a favor. so. i'm sitting at home yesterday, happily racking up mass amounts of overtime fixing a really huge problem at work when one of my buddies calls me and asks me if i'll drive him to salina kansas today. i've been up til 2-3 every night last week, then 5 friday night, so i was a little worried about lack of sleep but said "sure".

right now the fed government is really behind paying people's travel vouchers. when i go to a school, if i have enough advance notice, i can file for a travel advance. they'll pay me anywhere from 50-75% of the cost of the trip in advance, but it takes about 14 days to get that money. usually they'll buy the plane ticket in advance, but i end up putting the car and hotel and food on my credit card, and then i file a voucher after i get home. in theory that shouldn't take too long, but right now i'm still waiting on money from february's travels. and i'm paying the interest and won't get paid back for that.

this poor guy has maxed his credit cards traveling for schools, still hasn't been paid back yet and had to go to salina today for another school. they waited to the last minute to try to find him a flight. salina isn't a really happening place and he couldn't get a flight in until after his report date. if he didn't make it to the school on time, it'd look bad on him and the unit. they told him to just rent a car. great, but no money. so he asked if i could help out. no problem. 12 hr round trip. he's a friend and he's one of my soldiers so it's just what you do.

i make it to salina just fine. had a good time actually. good music, good company. start back. still having a good time. all of a sudden it gets REALLY windy. and starts lightening. then out of nowhere seriously scary driving rain. i see a semi with hazards blinking ahead. looks like it's on the shoulder but it might be a little in the right lane. so i go to get on the left hand lane and all of a sudden the car just kicks loose and goes into a serious spin. somehow or another i miss the front of the semi. i leave the road. still spinning. and sliding. really damned fast. going down the embankment. still freaking spinning. faster. holy crap. fence posts are flying by with every spin and getting closer. i'm pumping the brakes, i'm cranking the steering wheel, no one cares. the spinning stops but holy crap i'm still sliding fast sideways. oh crap here comes a fence post. whew! JUST missed the front fender/bumper. and i'm slowing down and stopping and holy crap, the engine is STILL running. i think i really, really just lived through that.

okay, so i blame this on doing a good deed. but in reality this might've been my stupidity. instead of sitting there for someone to come along and help me out, the car seemed to be working fine, i thought i could get back on the interstate. it was raining like crazy, i couldn't see too far ahead of me, not the brightest idea. i decide the grass is too wet for me to go straight up the embankment, the best idea is to go at an angle. i'm going, i'm going and all of a sudden the car is sideways. there was a culvert and i didn't see it because the grass was so tall. just hit the edge of it, the mud gave way and i slid right off the edge of it and fell six feet.

so i'm okay. dunno about the car yet. they looked at it tonight and thought they could get it out with little serious damage, just cosmetics. but they couldn't get their trucks down there because of the water and mud. so i'm in a hotel now waiting for the morning. keep your fingers crossed that it's okay.

i'm off to bed now. night.

2007-06-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

all new episodes next week! summer isn't a total bust. now how much do you want to bet i'll either be in such a crappy hotel next week that i don't get fx or i forget?

the hits keep coming...

2007-06-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

so the deployment thing is a little hassle. i totally feel like a jerk as far as my company goes because so many things pop up that i have to deal with. i'm supposed to do training thurs, fri, sat and sun (one weekend a month my ass). well last week "hey, why don't you come in wednesday and do some prep work?" sure. no problem. so then "hey, we need to send some people out to north carolina next week and uhm. you're going." "okay, when do i leave?" "sunday". "what. uhm. we're supposed to do training on sunday" "yeah. not now. now you're just going to fly out there sunday, and oh, you'll be taking 14 other guys with you. keep them in line". so with virtually no notice my employer is stuck one short for the next ten days. and it's just going to get worse and worse as we get closer to the date.
so for all of you guys out there who are employers or supervisors of guys who are in the guard/reserve just let me say "thanks". sometimes we get so wrapped up in what a pain in the ass it is for us, that we forget about what a pain in the ass it is for you guys to deal with us. thanks for not piling on the guilt, thanks for being supportive of us... it helps. it really, really does.

so far there's at least 2 weeks spread out through the rest of the month i'll be gone, then another ten days in july, at least four days in august and i'm still waiting to hear on a 2 week class.

next week won't be too bad. ft. bragg is definately my home away from home and the class is a good one. it'll be nice to drop down to sea level and get some good runs in in the backwoods there and hopefully i'll bump into some old friends.

in other news those books that were going to last me for two weeks or so? yeah. i'm done with all five of them. sunday and monday. i have ZERO self control. and to be honest? they're not the best plots. but the characterization is so great.

weekend...

2007-06-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

one of the best parts of the deployments is the reading. all of these great people in the u.s. collect used books and send them overseas to the soldiers. unfortunately now that alot of those bases are built up and there's relatively steady power, alot of the guys over there spend their time watching movies and if they're really lucky they get satellite t.v. or AFN. so there are just tons of books in the red cross lounges or the r&r areas. and when you're flying around the country there's usually a stack of books in the different waiting areas by the flight lines.

while i was flying over to iraq i found a "sam mccain mystery" by ed gorman. i liked it so much i carried it around with me and brought it home. i looked in the different bookstores for more books in the series but struck out. finally i just bit the bullet and ordered some. they showed up yesterday. lucky me!

yesterday morning i ran some errands and then came home and took a nap. i was feeling pretty bad (i think i've got an inner ear infection) and i'd committed to running downtown last night. i was pretty irritated because the majority of my guys have failed their p.t. tests and i don't think they're putting in the effort to raise their scores. so i sent out an email to everyone to tell them i would be downtown at 5:00pm and would be running and anyone who wanted to join me would be welcome to do so. none of my guys that needed the extra runs showed, but a couple guys from other groups showed up and we had a good time and a good pizza and beers after. then when i got home i found the books waiting on my front stoop.

today when i woke up i was feeling pretty bad. just kinda dizzy and i didn't want to do much of anything. so i didn't. i read about 2 and half of the mccain books and am even more hooked than i was before. he does a pretty good job capturing small town america. and relationship angst. his main character carries a torch for the girl who doesn't return the favor. and finds himself chased by a girl who should be perfect for him but who he can't make himself like. we love our betty-veronica-archie love triangles... and his character loves his convertible and riding along with the top down. who can't relate?

not a great weekend. not a productive one either. although it'll be hard for most weekends to compare to last... but since i've got to spend 5 days this week on active duty (wed-sun) it's kinda nice to not have a ton going on.

2007-05-31T20:59:00.000-07:00

damnit. i just get caught up with most of my t.v. viewing and now it's almost time to go back out the door again...

this is a great example of why earl dvd's will be going over with me. i like to call them "sanity savers"

and of course now it's the summer and damned rerun season. great viewing time and i can't catch new stuff.

and for you star wars fans:

this weekend...

2007-05-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

it's not over yet, but it's been pretty great so far. i took thursday and friday off and one of my oldest friends came in from out of town to see me. we've known one another for 20 years and it was a great time. the only bad part about it is that she's left already. 8(

outside of just seeing an old friend, one of the best parts of the trip was just taking time off to enjoy colorado. you get so wrapped up in work and school and whatever else that you start turning a blind eye to the greatness around you. or i do at least. and she'd gone on the internet and come up with a list of things that she'd like to do and we just tried to knock as many things off the list as possible.

if you know how much i hate spiders and creepy crawlies you know how big of a deal that was for me.

the rest of the weekend looks pretty tame in comparison. homework, housework, catching up on sleep and movies...

whoopsie...

2007-05-22T17:32:00.001-07:00

i did the link to the post that courtney posted last year wrong. the correct post is here.

plugs for a good cause...

2007-05-21T10:54:00.001-07:00

for some reason i have problems hitting people up for money. it annoys the hell out of me when coworkers bring in things from their kids' schools and guilt me into paying for things i don't want and don't need.

however, through the miracle of the internet i can use the anonymity of the forum and plug away guilt free. :) because i know that you guys are smart enough to surf away if you're not interested and you'll just come back tomorrow (i hope).

courtney's trying to raise money for the AIDS walk in Boston. One thing that she did last year was post this, which did a great job explaining why she's so passionate about it. so if you can contribute, please do. and even better, if you can throw up a post on your blog directing readers that are unique to you to her website so they can register as well that'd be awesome!

thanks!

2007-05-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

there are two lessons that i should've learned by now:

a) be careful what you wish for because you just might get it
b) no good deed goes unpunished

i've been in the army in some shape or form now for just over 12 years (my anniversary was the 8th). without a doubt this current group is the smarted group of soldiers i've worked with in my career, especially the junior guys. many of these kids work in highly technical fields, are members of management and almost all of them are either in college or have their degrees in hand already. sometimes this is a great thing. it's nice to be standing in front of a group, explaining something mildly technical about the radios and see heads bobbing up and down instead of a glazed over look in the eyes. it's great to have them grasp some relatively simple concepts on the first pass. but usually it's a huge pain in the ass.

a couple years ago i was with a different unit and this one came looking for me. they knew they were going overseas and wanted a seasoned communications guy with them. they made it very clear that i was just tagging along for the trip overseas and then i'd have to find a new home upon our return because officially there wasn't a slot on the unit's roster for me. i came into the slot as a somewhat unknown entity. i was the only communications guy so i didn't have a "team" working for me and there were some other guys in the platoon that outranked me, so i went downrange with no direct reports and little responsibility. most of the other guys in the platoon hadn't been on active duty before and hadn't been downrange before and it wasn't long before i was giving gentle guidance or outright taking over jobs to make sure things were getting done. by the end of the trip it became pretty apparent that we weren't doing proper professional development of some of our younger soldiers and we were just perpetuating problems. i was advising and making suggestions for improvements and by the end of the trip i spoke for the commander or the first sergeant but for political reasons official leadership changes weren't made.

when we got back i found out the my security clearance had been screwed up by the guys who'd stayed back here while we were overseas and i wasn't really able to switch units until that was sorted out. by the time it was straight, this new trip popped up on the radar and i kinda got slated for it and now all of a sudden the changes have been made and i'm the guy in charge of the little group. it's time to put my money where my mouth is and prove that i know what i'm talking about. i've got a solid year + to try to make improvements and make this work. the good part is that my boss knows what i'm trying to do and has faith in me and is a good source of support and knowledge when i need it. and he'll give me a swift kick in the ass when i need it too. one of the guys who was downrange with me last time and who i consider a best friend is going with me and in alot of ways we're interchangeable. technically he'll quasi report to me and the majority of the youngsters will report to him. and he understands what i'm trying to do and i'll have his support as well.

i've got my hands full though. of the guys that are going down range, i'm second oldest. all of them but one other failed their last p.t. test. so that's gonna be a big problem. there are some smart kids. once i get them to realize that a) they're not as smart as they think they are and b) smarts are great but at a certain point you have to move out and do the job they will be some awesome soldiers. right now they want to question every order or come up with a "better" way of doing things. the don't realize that there's the right way, the wrong way and the army way and sometimes (when you're really lucky) the right way and the army way are one and the same, but usually they're not. and usually the army way is the way to do it for a reason. sometimes that reason is really stupid. but sometimes it's something that a guy who hasn't been downrange before can't see in his head yet. until we leave i'll have three people in the group that technically outrank me but that i've been placed over, and they've already started to grumble. downrange a couple of them were more than happy to stand aside and let me do the work, but now that we're home they're embarrassed by it. so it'll be fun in a pain-in-the-ass/what-did-i-get-myself-into-way if it works and a huge disaster if it doesn't.

make a difference....

2007-05-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

my sister died of cancer back in 2005. the original shape of the evil was breast cancer, but over the years it morphed into something else. i don't do anywhere near enough to fight the battle, and keep promising to do more. "someday" when i'm less busy, make more money, etc... there's always an excuse. so i like it when easy ways to do something pop up. run in the komen race? i need to run anyways and this gives me an excuse to train. buy a brand that i already buy during the right month? too easy. well, there's a new one. and if breast cancer isn't your fight, there are several other causes that they support. so if you use msn messenger and aren't doing this already, follow this link.

and if you've got couple extra bucks to spare? go over to courtney's site and sponsor her in her walk. it doesn't have to be much, every little bit helps.

thanks.

edw tagged me

2007-05-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

the rules are:

Here are the rules: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they have been tagged and to read your blog!

now i'm not gonna tag anyone, but i hope some of you who haven't been tagged yet will play along!

my things:

1 - i hate the idea of showering in the morning. if i'm gross enough that i need to shower in the morning, i need to shower the night before. it's less to do with the showering and more to do with my weirdness about my bed and wanting it to be neat and clean.

2 - right now when i run around the neighborhood i refuse to wear any army branded stuff. it's because in my mind my level of fitness pretty much blows and i don't want to discredit the service. in a couple more months where i'm closer to where i want to be i'll probably wear some here and there, or not make such a point NOT to wear them.

3 - i'm stealing one of edw's. i LOVE to sleep. when i'm deployed or during training it's kinda like a time machine. when i'm home i'm just so busy all the time i'm always tired. i don't feel the least bit guilty sleeping til noon on a weekend. except that it screws up my sleep schedule and monday hurts. a friend is visiting at the end of month and i'm taking 2 days off of work. she's got explicit instructions to not be polite and let me sleep. it's her vacation so when she wakes up she needs to kick my door in and yell "get out of bed jackass! no f'ing slacking on my time!"

4 - i read comic books and watch cartoons. alot.

5 - i have a bag fetish. part of the reason for this is because no backpack/briefcase/kit bag manufacturer has consulted me when designing a new bag. dumbasses. some of it that i get bored with stuff. and am an impulse buyer. but i have way, way too many backpacks.

6 - i hit the snooze button for about 30 minutes to an hour before i actually wake up. (i'm cheating. i'm having problems coming up with 7 things).

7 - i used to wear neon barrettes and i LIKED it. i should probably explain this a little better. once upon a time i was a long-haired hippy. i was working on a car or the motorcycle and my hair was falling into my work, getting in the gas or oil or grease or whatever. frustrated i went inside and found a rubber band or a paperclip or a something and used it to hold my hair back. i went back to work on the car, needed a part and went to the store. and got teased for my hair being cliped up. and didn't really care. i've gotten to a point in my life where i still have to prove stuff to myself, but not to complete strangers. sure i get flustered talking to an attractive girl. and once i form a relationship with someone, i want to please them. but i'm not quite the nervous little puppy dog i used to be, going out of my way to achieve some kind of acceptance. i'll probably always strive to get my dad's approval. but i'm getting older, i've got less mentors and there are less people that i try to get an "attaboy" from. although i do still like'em. anyways, it just kinda irritated me and so i took to wearing bright neon hair clippy thingies when i was working on a computer or the car or whatever. and it amused me to no end when i'd get the weird looks or snickers.

so there you go. let's hear yours.

2007-05-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

calling cadence can strike fear in the hearts of some. others realize it's a rare privelage that very few get to experience. there's something unique about standing in front of a formation of anywhere from 3-100 troopies, all waiting to act on your commands. and when you start calling cadence, and they're motivated and respond loudly it rocks you. i've got a couple staples, some for running, some for marching. some are happy, some sad to remember our fallen brethren.

some where there's a mother
who's crying for her son
he's an airborne ranger
and all the medals he's won.

but don't you cry him no tears
he don't need your sympathy
he's an airborne ranger
who fights for liberty

somewhere there's a lady
who's crying for her man
he's an airborne ranger
off in a foreign land

but don't you cry him no tears
he don't need your sympathy
he's an airborne ranger
who fights for you and me

somewhere there's a little girl
who's crying for her dad
he's an airborne ranger
that she's missing so bad

but don't you cry him no tears
he don't need your sympathy
he's an airborne ranger
who fights so we can be free

one day came a chaplain
and this is what he said
i regret to inform you
your airborne ranger's dead

but don't you cry him no tears
he don't need your sympathy
he's an airborne ranger
that's all he wanted to be
he's an airborne ranger
who fought for you and me

Sorry for your loss JL4. Sorry for all our losses.
Here's hoping he grew up playing in the woods like we did, a born soldier. That he finally found his niche as a soldier and was feeling complete and fully alive over there.