whining and rambling. i highly suggest you skip this...

oh my goodness do my shins ache!

a couple of years ago, i was driving around and it was a lazy sunday and i had npr or some talk station on the radio... (sometimes i drive a '67 ford galaxie, so it's all am, all the time!). i don't know what i was listening to, but the guy was saying that at one point he'd been a marine, and he'd been out to some social function and was on his way home and was dressed in his dress uniform. as he passed an alley way, someone shouded out "marine, help!" he looked down the alley and saw a guy being beaten up by two other guys. he said the absolute last thing that he wanted to do was walk down that alley, but he felt because he was wearing the uniform he had to. fortunately, as soon as he started walking towards them, they saw the uniform and took off running.

it's weird the stuff we do because of .... something. guilt? obligation? work ethic? parents who stay together in a bad relationship for the kids, dads and mom who slug it away at a job they hate to give their family a better life than they had. kids who go to school for subjects they could care less about in order to please and repay their family...

alot of people join the army for different reasons. over my desk at my civilian job, i've got a print out of the poster that says "what the f**k am i doing here, i just joined for the college money!" not because i feel that way, but to remind me what not to become. you hear comments like that so often here when deployed.
i got mobilized to active duty after 9/11. i did my time, was demobilized and was happy to be a one weekend a month/2 weeks a year kinda guy. then this new unit approached me. said they were coming downrange and needed a radio guy, would i please come. how do you say "no" to that? it's not the normal recruiter pitch. the guys were brutally honest with me. they don't officially have a slot for a commo guy, but realize the importance of good communications. i'd probably be working several different jobs, and when we get back to the states, i'll have to find a unit since they don't officially have a slot. i trained with them for a couple weekends, just to make sure they were good people and that i could really help, but once i saw that, i felt i had to come. if you're going to be in the military, you're in the military. you can't half-ass it. you can't pick and choose. it's not a job, it's a lifestyle. so i get mildly annoyed on a daily basis with people who don't share those views. first time people i'm okay with. they didn't really know what they were getting into. it's stupid, they should've asked some smart questions and figured it out before signing their name, but i'll give them a little lee-way. the ones who have re-enlisted a time or two, and know EXACTLY what the military is about? those are the ones that bug me.

i'm a clutz. and not just a little one. i've screwed up my knees, ankles, shoulders, ribs... broken toes... given myself a concussion. more than once. if a day goes by where i don't trip on something? i probably haven't moved from the couch because i'm already screwed up. about the only thing i did well as a kid was tennis. and "well" might be stretching it. in my mind? i was a young jimmy connor... in reality? heh. let's move on. i ran fairly well. not that my knees didn't knock into one another or i didn't trip while running. i was just too stupid to know when to quit. so i'd usually be one of the top runners in the company, never the fastest, but always in the top five or ten. i remember several times the 1SG would point and laugh because i was bloody from some accident along the way. greg rucka has a book called "critical space". i love almost all of his stuff, but there's a special place in my heart for that book, all because of one chapter. there's a part where the main character is trying to take his physical conditioning to a new level. i can empathize with the pain he goes through.

i could get a profile or something, basically a permission slip from the doctor saying it's okay to stop working out. but i couldn't. i'm in leadership roles these days. how can you be in such a position and not set a good example? get out there and do the 5 miles with a smile on your face. this is FUN! i went to the grand canyon with my dad a couple years ago. hiked in and out. it was funny as hell. on the way out, if he'd be passing someone, he'd do his best to catch his breath and smile a big huge grin at the people he was passing, and give them a big warm greeting. it would crack him up to think that some poor bastard was going to say "see? look honey, he's old and he made it all the way to the bottom and back. he's not even winded! we can do it!" not knowing that dad has done that trip ten or eleven times now, and trains months in advance for the trip. i guess i do the same thing with running and stuff these days with the kids. it's funny what the uniform makes you do.

in the novel, the main character gets more in touch with his body in that chapter. it's weird, as i'm getting older, so am i. not because of the book. but i'm much more aware of alot of the little aches and pains and am able to try and figure out what's causing them and hopefully how to prevent them. it's been great the last couple times i went swimming. really being able to feel the water moving and knowing what i'm doing right and wrong. i wish i had this awareness a decade ago.

okay. i can think of no further way to waste time here. i've rambled about nothing for far too long already.