*M*A*S*H*

i've got a friend. we've been buddies for over a decade. we met on active duty lifetimes ago. we both left active duty at roughly the same time swearing to never wear army uniforms again. years pass and we realize that it's too late. it's in our blood. we can't walk away. and then 9/11 happens. it's one thing to be in the military and train and train and train in a time of peace. it's another thing to be in the military when it's real and it matters and you're making a difference, no matter how small. don't take this wrong. i'm not saying war is fun, or that i like it in any way. if you think that, just stop reading now. there's tons of other great blogs out there that you'll get better.

i did my tours and she did hers. got a bronze star with a "v" device for some amazing actions in combat. she's an amazing woman. on top of her first college degree, she became an emt, then put herself through an accelerated graduate nursing degree program at john hopkins. she saved lives that day. i've got a picture of her after the ambush. she's got the blood of the men she saved that day on her uniform and she looks more tired than i've ever seen her in over a decade, and she's surrounded by three of the men and women who were on the mission with her when it got ambushed and it almost looks as if they're holding her up she's so tired.

she struggled a bit when she came back. i'm not gonna tell her story here, but it's been a rough road back for her, not helped by the normal crap life throws at you. relationship/family/health issues. but being the super trooper she is, she wants to go back. now that she's officially an "army nurse" (she wasn't when she was over there last time) she doesn't feel like she's doing enough in a stateside hospital when there are hospitals over there that need people with her skills.

i was just watching *m*a*s*h*. it wasn't one of the funnier episodes. it was one of the episodes where they show all the stuff that goes wrong. the shortage of supplies, the entire episode is run in the o.r. because it's just this insanely long, never-ending shift as the wounded keep pouring in. they form attachments and have minor miracles and have huge losses. they have to decide who's too far gone to operate on.

i worry about her. and to be honest i worry about her more in this position, where she should be safer and on base than if she would've been in her old job, going outside the wire and dealing with the public, in physical danger. i hate that little pieces of "her" might not come back.