a couple years ago i was crosstraining with another unit in denver. they were moving within a building and needed a hand from a commo guy/computer geek. they had a pretty good guy on staff, but it was just alot of work for one guy. i met the kid, he was pretty sharp, we worked well together the first morning. as we were bullshitting while working, we realized we lived in the same apartment complex on the complete other side of town. we were both from iowa, both had the same military specialty and both did the same thing in the civilian world. he's a fair bit younger than me but we've hung out over the years and become pretty good buddies.
i was trying to talk him into going to afghanistan with me, but he wouldn't. he was just coming off of an active duty tour, and was starting a new job and didn't want to screw with it by leaving for a tour. he's working for a government contractor and an opportunity came up for him to go to iraq with them for a helluva lot more money than i'll be making. he's excited about it. he's young, single, and has trained for deployments. he'll really set himself up for success with the company he's working for. just a win-win situation.
a couple weeks ago we were going out to dinner. the girl he was kinda seeing was with us and we were talking about his trip. she's from a very religious, very close-knit family. she's graduated from college, working a very "grown-up", "career" job. making a decent wage for someone so young and living at home with her family, just because they're that close. so she's having ALOT of problems understanding him. he's got no plans to go home first to see his family before going home. hasn't told them that he's going yet. while we were going through some of his stuff, he made a smart assed comment about how he was having a harder time throwing out old combat boots than he did throwing out christmas cards and letters from the family. she was hoping i'd help her gang up on him and get him to talk to his family.
i couldn't do it. not all of my family knows yet. i personally am too weak to deal with lectures from my dad. he's such a hero to me that it tears me up when he tells me what a mistake i'm making. especially since he's a vietnam vet. he's been in similar situations, and knows that they're not always by choice. so i'm just avoiding that all together. one of my biggest fears in that respect is that i won't be able to swallow it, and i'll say things i'll regret. and then something will happen to me over there and that's the last thing he'll remember. hearing the same lecture 3 times in a row doesn't not make it any better.
bigger than that though is my mom. next month will be 2 years now since my sister passed away. she worried so badly last time. if there was anyway to go the whole trip without telling her about it, it'd be just fine by me. or at least make it through the holidays. but unfortunately i don't think that's gonna happen. i'd like to spare her a couple of months of worrying if possible though. not quite sure of the right time to break that one to her though. blah.
12 comments:
I can understand wanting to save your mother that kind of pain for a while... but I'm sure she'd prefer if you were honest with her. I'd want to know where my babies were... no matter how old they get.
I will be thinking of you during the deployment and waiting for word when you return safe and sound.
Another thought-provoking entry. We worry about our parents, they worry about us.
I censor what I write in my blog, because my son reads it. I don't want him to worry about my worrying.
His father was in a pretty bad bike accident this summer, still hasn't returned to work. "Don't tell Brian until he gets home!" was the order. Because what if he's worried about his dad to the extent of distraction that could get him hurt?
And my worrying about him? I do. Still, I asked him to sock it to me, when he was home: Tell me the truth, that everyone but Mom knows. I wasn't comforted, but I didn't expect to be. But I did let go of worrying about a few things that were figments of my imagination.
Still, I've encountered more mothers that say "I don't want to know" in regard to their soldiers lives. I can't personally wrap my head around that, but to each their own.
There probably will never be a 'right' time but maybe a more right time? Um, this is EXACTLY how I handled my report cards in high school!
if there was anyway to go the whole trip without telling her about it, it'd be just fine by me.
Sigh.
Good luck with that conversation. If anything, I think that would be one of the things anyone would envy the least.
Wow, what a difficult decision. While my first reaction was to spare them the worry/grief as long as possible, really I think that giving them the truth as soon as possible is probably best. While it may result in additional tears, it will probably also result in additional phone calls, time together and love expressed.
Btw the way, I'm originally from Nebraska, so we're kind of neighbors :)
I agree with Julie. They are your parents. They'll worry about you whether your under lock and key in their house or if you're halfway around the world.
But it's very sweet that you are thinking about them.
okay. serious question. do you think my mom worries the same knowing that i'm here in the states working my 9-5, working a job as a computer geek as she does knowing that i'm going to afghanistan and seeing the news everyday about different attacks on u.s. soldiers?
i don't know, i'm not trying to be argumentative. but i'd think that there might even be days where she hardly thinks of me while i'm typing away on the computer vs. when i'm over there and she thinks i'm getting shot at. yes? no?
I think she still thinks of you, sitting at your computer being a geek, but it's always going to be ramped up knowing you're overseas. I think you should tell them before you go.
You're no idiot. You're bearing a lot of weight and worry for your family, and your intentions all around are noble and brave.
I'm proud of you.
Of course she will worry more knowing where you are. I agree with you, Sean. As a mom, I don't give a second thought when I know my kid is safe, but if I felt she was in a situation that might be risky? Then I'm asking her guardian angel to watch over her. I don't think my parents worried about me in my safe little college town like they did when I lived in London during the IRA bombings. There's no comparison. Still, you have to tell her, but you don't have to justify your life or decisions to anyone, even your parents. They raised you to be the man you are, even if they disagree with the decisions that lead you to another tour.
You're a very courageous man.
Of course your mother is going to worry. It's what we do, right? :)
But it's harder not to worry when there's a larger more obvious reason you may not be safe.
You sitting at work, 9-5 everyday probably isn't necessarily something she thinks about everyday because you aren't doing something she views as being dangerous.
In all reality, what you're planning to do is alot more dangerous than staying home and continuing to do what you're doing. But from what I gather, you're not that type of guy.
It's not a bad thing, but from a mother's perspective, it's worrisome.
Your father may feel hurt that the information wasn't divulged to him but it's exactly what he did. Your mother is going to be upset if you tell her you're going, but she'll probably be devastated to find out you're there and didn't tell her.
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