i'm a bad, bad man...

... not really, but i feel that way sometimes.

there's a guy here, who has 20+ years of military experience. he's been in the navy as an active duty sailor and in the army reserves. so when you meet the guy, and see that he's an older fellow, and hear about his background, you automatically have higher expectations of the man. unfortunately he doesn't live up to those expectations professionally speaking. he's incredibly immature, and has alot of difficulties dealing with others. although he's been in the service along time, he's gained and lost rank along the way, so he isn't as high ranking as some of his peers in seniority are, and he doesn't act according to his rank. he frequently treats higher ranking individuals without the proper respect, and resents the authority that they have over him.

the worst part though, is his inability to function in his duty position. he's a supply guy, however until about the tenth month of our deployment nothing he ordered showed up. after about the first 30 days i was instructed to get involved and everything we got was because i ordered it. because of some politics, he wasn't put under me directly, but i was given responsibility for making sure things got done in the supply realm. that is one of the things that frequently irritates the heck out of me, being forced to pick up the slack for other individuals.

i frequently say that in the military you get punished for being a good soldier. and it's true, and now that i'm a leader, i punish the good soldiers under me in the same way. they're squared away, they get their jobs done in an efficient, timely manner, and i force them to help the slack-ass. and because of the way the military is structured, the slack-ass gets paid the same amount of money for being a screw up, and for being pushed aside and told to sit in the corner and not screw anything up as the squared away kid who has to do double the amount of work. i can't give raises to someone based on merit. and because of the bureaucracy, it's frequently so hard to put a bad soldier out of the military, that some people don't. they just try to sweep that soldier under the rug and minimize the amount of damage they can inflict.

because this irritates me SO much, i'm probably much harsher on this guy than i should be. that and the fact that we've been together for over a year now, and he's just been a consistent dissapointment for for the entire time. the bad part about that is that as much of a screw up as he is professionally, he is just the absolute NICEST man i've ever met in my life. period. he will bend over backwards to help a friend out. he is the hardest worker i've ever met, he just doesn't work at the level that you expect him to. simple, mundane tasks that don't take initiative? he will complete those without fail. manual labor that no one wants to do? he does with a smile. and because he is so immature, he is usually cracking up and laughing and lightening the mood when we've got to do these back-breaking projects. the worst part is when i chew his ass for something he's failed to do (and rightfully so), and then less than five minutes later he'll bring me some prize he's found or managed to aquire. and he asks for nothing in return. he doesn't try to get me to be nicer to him, he doesn't ask for special treatment. he just brings me something that he found that he knows i would like or that i need for some project i'm working on. when he does this the guilt just washes over me.

it'd be so much easier if he were just a mean, nasty little man.