more gift talk...

wanderlusting had a post about her anniversary with her beau here. In it she says:

Where I had been plotting over what to get him for it for awhile now (I'm a girl and that's what we do), it kind of snuck up on him. To be fair, he does work so it's not like he had the chance to run around and buy me things. And well, all last week I was at his place, so it's not like he could have done it around me. He did say that we could go out and I could pick out a present but I balked at the idea. An anniversary present should at least be something special and something personal.

to which i joking left the comment:

happy one year anniversary. and please don't be "that girl" when it comes to presents. ugh. some of us just really, really suck at presents.

which one or two took it to mean (from later in her post) that i was calling her a gold digger, only interested in the cost of the present or that i was saying that she equated the cost of the present with the value/worth of the gift. so not what i meant.

you see it all the time in sitcoms. the clod husband doesn't appreciate his wife or think about her and forgets her birthday/v-day/anniversary/x-mas whatever and has to scramble at the last minute and can't find an appropriate gift until the wife or friendly neighbor or whoever suggests that he just stops and thinks and let's his heart talk and he'll know what to do. and then magically, he hand crafts the perfect gift, the relationship is saved and the credits roll.

a) i hate alot of popular media just for these kinds of storylines. let me kick some touchy-feely writers in the 'nads please. also the ones who have to write "all guns are bad" story lines. b)gift giving requires a type of logic that some people DO NOT possess. and i HATE that it's equated with not loving someone or about being self-centered and not thinking about them.

i shake my head at people who can't figure out what i consider to be very simple computer tasks or problems. damn people, there's a freaking "help" button, how hard can it be? yet on a daily basis i have to show them how to do something for the 100th time. but everyone writes it off. "oh, they're just not very good at computers." forget the fact that computers have been an integral part of that career field for decades now. just fix it for them. i'm a radio guy in the army. one thing that's weird about me, with both computers, radios and alot of mechanical things... sometimes i don't have a firm grasp on how something is supposed to work. but i can intuit how to make it work. i may not know why i'm flipping this switch or that, or making this change to that setting in a computer program. but it just feels right, so i do it and then it works. drives co-workers/bosses/whoever insane. they'll ask me "how'd you do that?" "i dunno". and they think i'm trying to keep all the info to myself. and that's not the case. i REALLY don't know. i just did what seemed right and it worked. why doesn't it seem right to them? why can't they figure it out like i did?

once we were far away from home and were the ground/advance team for a parachute exercise. a group of navy seals were out there doing the same thing. they came over and asked if one of us could work radios because their commo guy was gone. i looked at their stuff and within a few minutes had it working. and it seemed so obvious to me (even though i'd never seen that type of radio before), it was mind boggling that they couldn't figure it out on their own, especially since they're supposed to cross train in case one of them gets hurt.

gift-shopping is the same thing. sure, i can be going about my life and something, a scent, a sound, a taste will transport me back to a place with someone. and it'll make me happy. but i can't equate those feelings with a present. i can walk through an entire mall and walk out without a single idea of what to buy someone else. i'll see plenty of things that i want to buy for them because it's something that i would like, or because watching sappy movies have told me it's what i should buy them (chocolates/roses/stuffed animals/blah-blah-blah) but that doesn't seem right. and i can't buy them a gift card because heaven forbid, it's not personal enough. it's not like this all the time. sometimes, yes, i'm out walking with someone and i see something that they want, but can't afford for themselves or that they consider to be an unncessarcy luxary. so at the first opportunity i rush back by myself and buy it for them. and sometimes things do "click" and i get that perfect something. but must of the time there's no "click". and it's not because i'm that stereotypical, unthoughtful clod. i'm agonizing over it. months before a big holiday i'm watching for signs. but it's just a type of logic i personally don't possess.

want to know a little secret though? frequently people who THINK they possess it really don't. frequently THEY buy things that they themselves would like and give it to me and i hate it, but i grin and smile and say it's lovely.

we'll willingly accept that some people have bad interpersonal skills, are bad a spelling or math or directions... but if they're bad at gift giving, it's because they don't love you enough, or don't think about you the same way you think about them. no one is willing to accept that they just suck at buying gifts. and instead of making it easy on the poor bastards when they say "what would you like for _______ (insert gifting occasion here)?" people have to be so freaking cruel and respond with "surprise me", or "i'm sure if you think about it you can come up with something great for me" or "oh, just get me anything, it's the thought that counts". jerks.