no clever title...

... i was looking for something about putting my guns to rest, but couldn't find one. the dylan lyrics aren't quite as close as i thought they were. when we deployed here, i had assigned to me my m-9 pistol, my m-4 carbine, a m-249 squad auto weapon and a m-240b machine gun. lemme tell you. you need a wheelbarrow for that much stuff, literally. it was really pretty stupid. once we got into country, i cross leveled the m-240b to one of our sub units that needed it, and a couple weeks ago i signed away the m-249. yesterday they took the pistol away and left me with the m-4.

now i'm not a gun freak. but that m-9 was brand new when it was assigned to me. several posts ago i mentioned how tight we've gotten here with one another because of all the time we spend with one another. i've spent even more time with that pistol. it's been strapped in a belt or shoulder holster for most of the last 13 months. i've shot better with that particular pistol than i ever have before and i'm usually a fair shot with the handguns. when we first got here, i ran with it. when i slept it went under my pillow. the only time it was really out of arm's reach was in the shower when i left it back in the hooch with a battle buddy. i've had lower back pains since i took it off my belt for the last time yesterday. that extra weight around your waist of the pistol and loaded magazines makes a difference. the holster i carried it in left the safety exposed. this isn't a big deal to me, because i always treat my weapons as if there's one in the pipe, ready to go, but alot of people get freaked out if they see a weapon that's not in the "safe" position. so i got in the habit of brushing the safety with my thumb throughout the day to make sure all was well.

it's funny, everyone in my group is going through the same seperation anxieties. you'll look at someone and seem them reach, and see that split second of panic in their eyes before their brain catches up with their muscle memory to remind their body that all is well. they didn't lose or forget the weapon, they signed it over to the new guys.

it's these little things that make the "desoldierization" process interesting. i knew a guy who came back from bosnia and walked with his head down for weeks before he got his body to understand that there were no landmines and he didn't constantly need to be on the lookout for such things while walking. another guy embarrassed himself at work when someone dropped a heavy piece of metal machinery. it sounded like a bullet striking a vehicle and he was under a table before he realized it. there's another guy here who's been deployed for almost 4 of the last 5 years. he's to the point where he has a concealed carry permit and just has a pistol with him all the time back in the states.

we went through a briefing the other day about mental stress and re-adapting to life back in the states. most of it was blah-blah-blah... but one thing that struck me was when they pointed out that during WWI and WWII, when soldiers came home, they were usually shipped back home, and the process took weeks. in vietnam poor joes were stuck on a plane and less than 48 hrs later were back in the states sometimes. the culture shock is amazing.

anyways, this sounds like it's all doom and gloom and really, it's not. just trying to give you a peek and what's going on.