i'm not crazy, you're the one that's crazy. all i wanted was a pepsi...

do you ever have those moments where you realize you aren't wired together quite as tightly as you thought you were? that you're not quite where you want to be with your mental well being? as you know, i've got some general concerns about the redeployment back home and my becoming joe citizen again, weekend warrior. i've been through this before, so in alot of ways i know what to expect, but every tour is different. and this one has been considerably longer than the last. with the exception of leave and a week or so in between a military school and my actual deployment, i'm going on my 17th month away from home. but because i've had some experience with this, this deployment i've been trying to take care of myself. i'm doing the excercise thing more religiously. when you're in good physical health alot of the other stuff falls into place. i've been focused on schoolwork in addition to army stuff, so i've got multiple interests. every night i take time off to read a book or watch cheers or whatever. i try to find a few minutes to get away from everyone else and get some breathing room. i'm staying in touch with people back home, the works. a couple of us have joked around about being depressed because we've lost interest in food and things pleasureable, but it's just joking. the fact that we've been eating the same meals for over a year and seen all the same movies over and over and over again is why that stuff is going on.
i've got a buddy in another unit. from time to time we'll get together and watch movies or whatever. just bitch about stupid stuff going on at work. it's nice to have someone completely on your side because they're removed from the situation. or if they tell you you're wrong, you know it's much more objective. so a couple of the guys here got some movies day before yesterday that i actually hadn't seen so i was going to take those over. i put them in my cargo pocket and stopped on the way to order a pizza for dinner. it was going to take 15 minutes to make the pizza and the px is right there in the same little compound, so i went to walk around and see what stupid crap they had for me to spend money on. see where this is going yet? there was a buddy in there that i knew so we walked out together. when the sensormatic tag alarm started going off, i automatically assumed it was him. he has his stuff cleared again and went to walk out again and didn't set the alarm off. i went through, set it off and remembered the movies in my pocket. these are already opened, already watched and scuffed up movies. no yucky sealing tape on the edges of the box anymore, nothing.
so of course they had to question me or whatever. i'm cool with that. it was a boneheaded move on my part, i understand that. but there are ways to do that and let the customer retain a little dignity and to show a little respect, just in case the customer isn't lying and he didn't steal anything. and this guy did the exact opposite. and the more he was talking down to me, the fact that he had to get mp's to detain me instead of politely asking me to join him, when he started telling me how stupid i was for bringing stuff i bought in the store in (think about this for a minute, there's only one store here where we can buy stuff from for a year. everyone in the store probably has something in their pocket or on their body that they bought from there, and chances are alot of those things are more expensive than those two cd's. knives, gloves,zippos, mp3 players, underarmor, shoes/boots, wallets, the works. it's kinda assinine) the more it really set me off. i can honestly say i can't remember ever being that mad before in my life. i was shaking so hard that i was scared my knees were going to buckle.
i wear a combat sling on my rifle. since we had to give up our pistols, we've had to carry our rifles wherever we go. so i put it over my shoulder, across my chest and then cinch it up tight with the sling. i do that because we normally deal with the locals alot and i want to maintain positive control of my pistol and rifle at all times. i want them close to me so that when we're in a crowd and people are pressed up close one arm can cover both of them. my mom isn't going to get a letter saying "we regret to inform you that your son is dead because he was STUPID." i'm not going to get shot with my own pistol. anyways, had i not been wearing that sling at the moment, i'm actually fairly scared that i might've beat him with it. i was gripping the rifle and pushing against that sling so hard i have a healthy bruise across the top of my shoulder today.
so. i guess on the one hand it's good to find out about possible anger management issues in this type of situation. nobody was hurt, no harm-no foul. i didn't say anything i regret to anyone i care about, etc. and i know that i'm just going to have to be aware of this on the way home. so scary as it was, it's a good thing in the long run.
alright, i'm babbling. just a weird story. i'm normally a pretty level-headed guy. sure, sometimes i can flare up a little if provoked, but nothing like this. so it was one of those "huh, this'll be an interesting blog entry" moments. note, when i say that, i don't actually mean interesting to anyone reading it. i'm still amazed that anyone actually does.... i mean interesting to actually sit and think it out enough to write about it. some of the introspection that goes along with blogging is new to me. sorry it's been so long since i've updated. hope everyone is doing well.