a friend of mine gets amazingly pissed when anyone asks her when she's going to "settle down".
that phrase just annoys her almost to the point where her head's going to spin off her body. and her big thing is the word "settle". where 99.99999999% of the world takes that to mean when is she herself going to stop racing and chasing and want to slow down a little because she's found someone special that she wants to slow down with, she takes it to mean lowering her standards.
so. anyways. the question. we're talking about settling and someone else talks about being in long term relationships and how the secret of their relationship is that they don't say 90% of the things they want to. they pick and chose their battles... so, is anyone in a long term relationship where they don't feel like they're constantly biting their toungue? either because a) you both address any little situation as it happens and aren't fighting but just have a good communication system or b) are you're just THAT good of a fit for one another?
or do you constantly just censor alot of the little things. "christ, did we REALLY need to spend ten bucks on that?" "why can't you put the lid down? why?" "we both work, why am i the only one who does the....?" etc, etc?
just nosey. thank you for playing.
7 comments:
hummm... I hate to tell you this but some folks say stupid things just to make conversation.
when you're single - they wanna know when you're gonna settle down.
when you first get married - they wanna know when you're gonna have a kid.
when you have a kid - they wanna know when you're gonna have another.
sometimes I just wanna ask "are you really that concerned about my sex life?" But I know they aren't. I just wanna embarrass them into shutting up!
about all the settling and stuff... a real relationship (one that works) isn't settling for the least offensive. it isn't bitting your tongue. it's two people who really want to be together. it's your heart jumping when you see the other person...even after 15 years.
so I say to you and your friend...NO! Don't settle. If you aren't ready to settle down, don't. there is nothing wrong with being single...shoot, my BIL is 46 and still single and we knew of AF General who was single (can't remember his name now) but you can always say at least I'm not that old...I've got lots of time.
And those sisters who both lived to be over 100 were both single too.
It's a combination for Loki and I actually. That and since we've been together for so long that he knows what I'm thinking and I know what he's thinking without actually saying it.
I didn't settle with Loki. I knew. He knew. We just had to grow up a little first.
And as for when am I going to have a kid? When I damn well please. But that little rant is reserved for another time.
I think in every relationship it's a combination. You learn how to communicate with each other because you are a good fit. And I think when you find a good relationship, you do censor your petty bullshit comments because it's unnecessary to pick them apart.
1) Honesty IS NOT always the best policy.
2) Quality relationships are not a concession in standards, and if anyone feels they did indeed lower their standards, then they are either with the wrong person - or the one they are with is with the wrong person. Ponder that one for a moment or two.
I once knew a woman who said the perfect mate for her would be an athletic man who didn't like sports (?), he had to be handsome, well educated, wealthy, no bad social or physical habits, kind, strong - yet willing to let her make all the decisions, couldn't want children, loved pets, liked theater but not opera...and as she voiced this list (it got longer and more bizzare) I fell into stunned silence.
Not only did this guy probably not exist, this woman I knew was a good person, but apparently somehow she had come to envision herself as the "Queen of the world" . In her minds eye, no one was good enough for her. So the "lowering of standards" is definitely subjective and open to individual interpretation.
Haven't seen her in 20 years. I can only assume she's still single.
I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that no matter who I am in a relationship with, some things they do will drive me crazy. And, if I want to stay in a relationship, I will have to let some of those things go. So, yes, there are some things you just don't say.
You do indeed learn to pick your battles. And I try to assume, this go-round with the chef, that he actually wants to make me happy and isn't engaging in some sort of evil conspiracy to make my head spin around before it pops off.
I think you pick your battles, also, but I never feel like I'm holding my tongue. I'm a steamroller of a person - I'm strong and it shows. When it comes to my marriage, I love him and don't want to steam roll over him - so I have learned to let some things go (because they're not that important anyway) and the rest I am upfront about and I'm not afraid of voicing my opinon, and neither is he, because we trust each other.
So I guess it's a combo of letting things go, and trusting. But never, ever settling.
I've got no advice on the LTR part of this, but I think it's interesting she has such a negative take on "settling." Still though, like Renee said, sometimes, you just want people to shut up. Sometimes, it's NOT about being stubborn and not getting married to that wonderful guy who asked you: sometimes you just haven't met the guy.
Post a Comment