oddball stuff

so, i'd like to think that i'm not rascist. i'm sure that i've said or thought some uneducated stuff over the years, but it hasn't been with malicious intent.

having said that, i heard something on the radio that to me sounded incredibly stupid this morning. a host of one of the local radio morning drive-time shows is a black female and had the producer of the new show "you're the one that i want" on. if you're not familiar with that show, as i understand it, it's similar to "american idol". they've got an open casting call for leads in a new broadway production of "grease" and they're turning it into a reality-based t.v. show. i think america might help pick the leads.

anyways, she was railing on the guy about whether or not he'd cast a qualified black man in the role and how there were no black applicants. he corrected her and informed her that there were actually three, and that if they're skilled, it was would be a very tough decision on whether or not to cast them. which launched her into a tirade.

i don't doubt that there are a large number of black, hispanic, asian and whatever else actors that can sing the hell out of a song and are great actors. but to me the role should be played by someone who can portray a convincing greaser from the 50's named "zucco". i wouldn't necessarily buy a california beach blonde in the role anymore than i would uh, myself.

the outrage that she had over this was what surprised me. it wasn't about the role and who fit the vision of the role best, it was about black and white. and made me want to call in and ask if they did a remake of "roots" and there was a eminently qualified white actor, if he should be denied the role of kunta kinte becuase of his skin color. no one is questioning the actor's ability, it's whether that is the actor that best fits the role. a role is more about skin color. people get denied roles all the time based on age, height, weight, body shape and other things that have NOTHING to do with their acting ability. this is a visual medium and it's as much about what the audience sees with their eyes as it is what they see with their minds, their ears, and their hearts. the other problem with this is that america already has an idea in their minds of what these people should look like. it was actually disappointing to me to see the commercials and see how much the actors are mimicking the danny and sandra dee from the movie. dance moves, hair and costumes, etc.. and my guess is, it's become such a classic that they won't be able to deviate too much from it and be successful.

so. the serious business. they've gotten rid of the 24 months cumulative active duty rule. i've already been mobilzed for 30 months of active duty, so before yesterday for me to be deployed again, i would have to volunteer. not anymore. they can grab me. and it's not a big deal, i probably would've volunteered to go over again. but having the choice taken away from me is a little... something.

the question now is how to handle it. on the one hand, i'm an "in for a penny, in for a pound" kinda guy. if i'm in the military and i've volunteered as many times as i have and i have to go over again, i want to be in the thick of it. i want to feel as productive and useful and proud of my accomplishments as i did this last time. on the other hand i'm oddly superstitious about this. i've seen the shows of the dead and wounded soldiers and i have to wonder how many times can i roll the dice? i've already had 2 deployments, is the 3rd time the charm? and more importantly there's guilt. it's not just about me. there's people at home that would like me back in one piece. so i'm at a stage where i could make some career decisions that could decrease the likelyhood of my being deployed again. or if i were deployed, take me further from the danger. and i'm kinda ashamed to admit it, but there's a little voice in the back of my head saying to "do it". and it's trying to justify it to me. "it's not cheating. it's not bribing someone to get out of it. it's a legit path in the military that you could take to take care of yourself." "you're not the one who created the opportunity, the army did. if you don't take it someone else will." "you're not weaseling. these are important jobs and positions. they're just not the SAME jobs and positions you had before, and oh, by the way, they don't require you going outside of the wire." okay. not kinda ashamed. really ashamed. i'm scared. not of going over. but of going over and having something bad happen. because it's been close before. really close. and how many near misses do you get in life?

the hard part about this is that i already know i'll do whatever i'm told to do. and i know that there's the uncontrollable part of me that can't say "no" whenever someone asks me to do something, and that will volunteer for the next trip whether the little voice is there or not. but little voices just make you think more than you want to. and the fact that they exist makes me question my committment.