the dangers of overanalyzing things...

so i was hanging out with some friends the other night when they got into a heated discussion. now i'm not going to say it was a stupid argument or that it was one person's fault more than the others but...

last week a buddy (d) went to the e.r. with some headache pains. i went and picked him up, this other guy that i was with stopped in a couple times to make sure everything was okay. last weekend they went shooting together and they've hung out a couple times since the e.r. trip. this couple is an older couple, and has been together forever, so by this stage of the game she should really have a better idea of how he works. anyways, we were hanging out and she asks us how d's doing. "fine, he looks good". "well, what was wrong with him?" "he had a bad headache". "no, i know that why he went to the hospital, what what caused the headaches?" "dunno" <-me "didn't ask" <- her husband. that started her off on why didn't we ask.

i started to withdraw from the conversation at this point and was looking for a position in the room that would provide me with both cover and concealment. she directed her energies towards her husband and things went downhill from there. apparently there are (in her mind) serious communications issues in their relationship. she wants him to dig deeper and talk about his feelings more with her. he's closed off, emotionally unavailable to her. he does a good job listening to her when she talks and discusses her feelings with her, but why can't he let her be there for him the same way?

the conversation dragged on and on, and got nowhere fast. she's dated him forever. she's been married to him forever. he talks to her, he's just not wired the same way she is. he doesn't dig too deeply into his own feelings and isn't going to start. he knows what he knows about himself and feels no need to ask why does he know what he knows. he'll say "ow" (or more likely "son-of-a-bitch!") if he hits his thumb with a hammer when he's driving a nail into a 2"x4". he's more than happy to tell you if you've pissed him off. and i've seen him be sweet and tender with his wife and daughters. she's going through some soul searching right now because she's hitting middle age and is unhappy with her life and wants to drag him along for the ride. he's been this way for decades, why try to bully him into changing?

i fight the urge to overanalyze stuff everyday. i can't turn my brain off at night and i can spend the night tossing and turning and rehashing events if i let myself. take something simple like shooting. why have i been so much lately? i'm not a gun freak, why shoot so much? i'm not really shooting that well right now, relatively speaking. is it just that i enjoy shooting, and it's as simple as that? have i been enjoying the company? or is their something deeper? honing skills? concern that this trip's gonna be more dangerous than the last? lack of faith in the training we've been getting as a whole? doubt in my own personal skill? the fact that i'm not shooting as hot really worrying me? wanting to be better than all of my guys in as many different skills as possible, so that i'm leading by example? i could go on for hours obsessing over my motivations.

and that's just shooting. lordy if i obsessed like that over inter-personal relationships, i'd drive myself nuts. not that i don't spend some time. i've definately confessed to being a championship level "what if?" player. but as i've grown up here over the last couple of years i've gotten alot better and shutting it off before it gets TOO wildly out of control. i don't do it with everything though, thank God. the fact that he doesn't seem to spend tons of time overanalyzing things is something i'm jealous of, and the fact that she wants him to change that...

where am i going with this? i have no idea. but there's alotta stuff tumbling through my head these days and i'm sure you guys are gonna be forced to read all of it. consider yourselves warned.